All Dogs Go to Heaven

It's been an incredibly difficult day as we said goodbye to our beloved golden, Cali. She was, without a doubt, the most perfectly wonderful dog for our family. Mark and I brought her home after 10 months of being married, right when we bought our first home together. She was our first "baby"; the first little life we learned to take care of together.  She was an awesome puppy. I mean, awesome. And no, I am not remembering our sweet girl through rose colored glasses.  She really was an amazingly kind, gentle, sweet, loving, and faithful friend all the days of her life.

When we brought our first child home from the hospital she would sleep outside of his bedroom door to protect him. Every time he lay on the floor, she was right there with him-head on the play mat right next to Zachary.

She was here when each of our boys was born, and she loved them immensely and let them crawl and grab on her all the time, and never so much as whimpered.
And today, as we left after saying goodbye, through tears Mark reflected on the incredibly hard season of our marriage years ago. "Lindsey, you had Smitty, Janine, Emily, your friends...I had no one. No one to love me or care for me in that time of pain, except Cali. She would lay with me for hours when no one else would." She was a source of God's love to Mark. A very real, tangible expression of God's love to him in his darkest hour. She literally, never left his side.
When Drew's asthma became so severe and he had grown into an allergy to Cali, Mark's parents graciously took her in the last 2 years. I can't think of better adoptive parents than my in-laws. Cali lived the last 2 years of her life on a 100 acre farm, visiting us often, and being pampered and loved by Mark's mom and dad. We were able to still love Cali, see Cali, snuggle with our girl, and have confidence that when she wasn't with us she was well loved every day.
A few months ago she started to get sick. And then on Christmas Eve we found out she had kidney cancer. I wasn't expecting the disease to take her so quickly, but it did. Mark's mom called this morning in tears to tell me today was the day. We rushed to be by her side. 

 I absolutely believe that all dogs/pets go to heaven and I will see Cali again one day. I take great comfort in that. Mark and I also talked, that while Cali will be in heaven, our dog Lilly most certainly will not be there.

As I grieve the loss of our most perfect dog I watch through tears as Lilly chews up another pad from the trash, and I step in another pile of her poop in bare feet. Yep, no lies here.
It's a sad day. And I'm not sure when the sadness will end. But I do know this, I am thankful for this pain because it means we were able to love and be loved by an amazing gift, the love of a pet that is wholely committed to you, no matter what.

When we walked into the house today to lay by her side and snuggle in her fur one last time, she fought to stand, walked over to us, and made strange noises, all she could muster, as she recognized us and tried to come to us one more time. When we came together she collapsed onto our laps and we just held her as she trembled because the toxins were poisoning her body.  She was faithful to the very, very end.
Missing you terribly tonight sweet girl.
The Very Sad Mom

Uh...Uh...Uh...Why Isn't There a Guide for This Stuff?

Again, totally different, equally as wonderful, but totally different children.
The other night we were reading the Christmas story to the boys before bed.
Zachary: Mommy, if Jesus is God's Son, why didn't God marry Mary?
Me: Um, because God....Mark?
Mark: It was different. God put Jesus in Mary's belly.
Zachary: Yeah, but isn't that what he does for every baby?
Mark: (crickets...)
Me: Well, God had intended for Mary to marry Joseph, but he had a plan for Jesus so he put Jesus in Mary's belly in a special way. Make sense?
Zachary: Yeah.

Whew! Sex talk crisis averted! Not ready for the birds and the bees discussion with my 8 year.
Theological crisis averted.  If you'll remember, the last time Zachary started asking questions he ended up in tears (Debating Systematic Theology with a 5 Year Old). I'm still figuring this parenting thing out, don't judge.

Anyway, while I love the way Zachary thinks and has a quest for knowledge and understanding and truth, sometimes I can handle the more simple-minded children with a little more ease.
While watching America's Funniest Home Videos last night with the boys we saw a clip of a kid eating his boogers.

Drew: (laughing) I do that.
Mark: Don't do that Drew, that's gross.
Drew: Yeah, but I don't do it at birthday parties.

Oh my bad, we thought you were totally gross; but you clearly have standards. High five dude!
And then there was Nate, 2 nights ago at the zoo.
Nate: Mommy, I just did this with my finger in my nose, and then put it in my mouth.
Me: Nate, sweetie, don't do that.
Nate: Why?
Me: Because, that's gross and you are putting germs in your mouth that could make you sick.
Nate: (Eating another booger with a huge smile) Yeah, but it's good!
Me: Uh, Zachary...want to discuss predestination vs. free will?

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!
The Joyful and Tired Mom

I Mean, For Real?

There is such a difference between my boys, it's unbelievable.
My favorite company to get things for my boys is Mindware. They call themselves "The Brainy Toys for Kids of All Ages." I love everything because my boys like to solve puzzles and create projects, and figure out how things work, especially Zachary.  I was looking through their catalog again and seeing all these cool science experiments that Zachary would love: Candy Chemistry, Rootvue Farm, Make Your Own Chewing Gum, That's Gross Science Lab, etc. One thing I saw though that I'm sad we didn't get for Z this year, a 4-in-1 Cool Tool Workshop. The description "Young carpenters can safely create and build projects using this combination drill press, jigsaw, sander, and lathe..."  Yes, I would consider getting my 8 year old a jigsaw, sander, drill press, and lathe.  I think Zachary is responsible enough for this toy.
My other boys, not so much.
Two days ago I had to tell one of my younger boys not to shove a toy up his butt while taking a bath, because I caught him trying to do it. He asked why. Why can't you shove Captain Hook up your butt? Because if you do we'll have to go to the hospital, take an x-ray, and then that picture will end up all over facebook, pinterest, and our Christmas card next year because you have a mean mom.
Seasons Greetings!

The Joyful and Tired Mom

The Glamorous Life of Motherhood

Well, I wouldn't chalk this day up as my best. Close, but not my best.
I had 2 of my boys in tears by 7:30 A.M. and had already called Mark with no control over my tongue. I was in the basement cussing up a storm, near tears myself, telling him he needed to come home.  After my freak out I can proudly say that I texted him and told him that I could, in fact, handle this day on my own.  But there were several moments when I wasn't sure.
Starting the day with breakfast, homework, and endless fights and whining between Child #2 and Child #3, plus searching high and low for a missing IPod that I am convinced was abducted by aliens last night, never to be seen again...makes for a crazy hectic morning. 
Then, I took a moment to sit down with my boys and Nate lovingly covered me with a blanket to rest. After a few minutes I realize that the blanket I was laying under is covered, and I do mean STEEPED in urine. Nate can blame the dog all he wants. I am semi-convinced that he peed all over that thing and then put on his sweet face to "take care" of me and cover me with it.  It's all part of his evil plan to break me down one moment at a time, and then take over our home, and then the world.

After freaking out and throwing everything in the wash, Drew started crying because, "No matter how many times I wash my hands, they still smell like poop from wiping!" (If you're keeping track, that's now 3 kids in tears.) I swear, he would do anything to get out of wiping his own rear...just ask our friends, the Boyer's, or his Aunt Janie's mom.

So we had "Operation: Make Your Hands Not Smell Like Poo."  I am thrilled to announce that our operation was a success. Whew. Not P-U, but whew.
All in a days work I guess. Isn't this what I dreamt about as a little girl? Motherhood in all it's glory!

This picture I found on Pinterest really paints the perfect picture of motherhood. The only thing it's missing is a baby attached to the mom via a Baby Bjorn and a dog licking her feet.  Looking forward to the rest of my day, and my alone time in the bathroom-ha!

 

 

Many Motherhood Blessings,

The Joyful and Tired Mom

Merry Christmas Everyone!

 

Merry Christmas

We hope that 2013 has been a wonderful year for each of you: full of life, love, and thanksgiving. And if it hasn’t been full of thanksgiving yet, it may be after you read our family letter.  Yes, pretending to be perfect and paint a perfect picture of our year is exhausting. So while our transparency in life may make some cringe (especially my mother), we feel it is a disservice to gloss over all the “good” stuff.

Zachary: Our big guy is 8 ½ years old, and pretty incredible. He has the integrity and strength of character that most adults would admire. Many days I stand in awe of him.  He just got braces this past summer and has spent much of his time this year honing his skills of teeth brushing.  Still a work in progress; but our hope is that practice will eventually make perfect.   He is unbelievably smart.  I am confident that I have one more year before he realizes he is smarter than me. And he also believes he is quite the joke teller. (Deep sigh) Mark and I are constantly telling ourselves that even Johnny Carson or Ellen Degenerous had to start somewhere, right. Right?!!!!!

Drew: Oh, our sweet Drew.  We have come a long way since the days of catching him brushing his penis with one of his brother’s toothbrushes.  (Yes, I did just say penis in a Christmas letter. You’re welcome.)  Drew started kindergarten this year and is amazing. We always kept our fingers crossed about this one (and a military school brochure in our back pocket).  We were never quite sure how he would be in school.  Would he try to be the funny kid, or the studious student?  We were blown away and grateful when during conferences his teacher said, “If I had a classroom full of Drew’s I would be so happy. He does what is right, even when no one is looking.” Say what?!  He loves school, loves learning, and is becoming quite the little artist. He has discovered a love for all things “art”, which intimidates me because I, nor Mark, have graduated past Stick Figures 101.

Nate: He’s trying to kill me.

Mark and Lindsey: We love this crazy life with our family.  However, every day when Mark calls on his lunch break he isn’t sure whether I will answer the phone laughing because of our awesome kids, or crying because Nate mentally gave me the finger again.  Either way though, we are grateful that this crazy life is the life we get to call our own.  Our heads hit the pillow most nights in total exhaustion, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.  As Mark said a few weeks ago, “I think raising 3 boys is a badge of honor…if we survive.”  And it is!  I am not sure why God entrusts these precious little lives to us, but He has.  And Mark and I are eternally grateful.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Mark, Lindsey, Zachary, Drew, and Nate





Where Our Chores Go to Die

I hate...I mean, with a passion so deep it's evident to all...I hate this poem:

 

I think the reason I am so passionately opposed to this poem is because in its simplest form it is supposed to invoke thoughts of sweetness and love for the special calling of motherhood. However, all it does is invoke feelings of pure guilt. 

I started feeling agitated about this poem again today while sitting down for 5 minutes to eat my lunch. I know, I know. I am a fairly rotten excuse for a mom to actually want to eat lunch. However, it was the first time I had sat down to do something that was strictly, only beneficial for me all day.  All morning I had been cleaning up after my sweet tornadoes. Doing dishes in the dishwasher, washing some by hand, unloading the dishwasher, loading it again, making toffee for Kids Wow tonight, helping with homework, helping my 5 year old write a little book, feed everyone their 15 breakfasts, feeding them lunch, having a friend over to play, mediating spats between brothers, trying to keep my volcanic 4 year old from errupting, folding tons and tons and tons of laundry that I'm still not finished putting away. And yet, because I was apparently not spending quality time with my 4 year old he had to behave in such a way that would require attention.

Any parent knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Literally, I can hear the voice in HIS head, "Idiot switch-activate." It truly is unbelievable.

Play with Resolve? Why not!

Run outside in the snow and ice without shoes or socks? Don't mind if I do.

Try to climb into the refrigerator with no regard to what Cherry taught us on Punky Brewster? Sounds like a plan!

So here I am desperately trying to accomplish things that are my job! I chose to stay at home. I wouldn't want it any other way. But with that comes a lot of responsibility. And it is insulting to tell a mom that she should put her responsibilities on hold. That wouldn't be acceptable in any other line of work!

"Um yes doctor, please put the scalpel down and come cuddle with your child. That surgery can wait."

"Fortune 500 company CEO, yes, that board meeting needs to be put on hold. The center of your universe needs attention-NOW!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't pay my bills today or tomorrow or ever. I couldn't work, I was snuggling."

I know I am being slightly melodramatic. I have that tendency sometimes. But why is what I do less important than what anyone else does? This poem makes me feel that way, like my responsibilities of feeding my kids and not allowing them to go to school in dirty clothes, or live in squaller isn't extremely important.  This only stirs mother's guilt in me that I'm not DOING enough.  As a mom we are expected to be hands-on all the time: activity directors for our kids, coaches, teachers, entertainers, jungle gyms, cuddlers, great story tellers, room moms, PTO presidents, great cooks, and awesome wives. Oh, and you have to be in shape too.

I know that people won't agree with me. That's ok. I'm not asking you to. I am just simply stating what I believe is absurd. Because I'll tell you what, I'll show you what happens when "cooking and cleaning wait till tomorrow..."

 

 

You get a room FULL of "tomorrow's" chores.  This is where our chores go to die.  All clean laundry. None of it ever getting put away.

So THIS dear author of that miserable poem

 is why cooking and cleaning can't wait.

Stuff has to get done in our beautiful home

Because messes don't wait to accumulate.

 

Off to do more laundry,

The Joyful and Tired Mom



Day 1 of 10 Baby

I started my 10 day Advocare cleanse today. Already feeling good. I know it's mental today, but it feels good to believe and know I am good.
It's only 1:50 in the afternoon. But the day has already gone extremely well. No slip-ups to report.
Breakfast was the glorious (cough cough) fiber drink, a glass of water, a glass of Spark, 2 eggs, 1/4 cup black beans, and a 1/4 avocado. So good!
Then, the boys and I went to the Y and I walked for an hour. My knee is still causing me problems; but I figure that if it hurts when I don't work out, and when I do...I may as well be healthy and active with the pain, instead of lazy and in pain.
When I came home I had the muscle gain shake with almond milk. Pure protein baby, and a large glass of water. The another glass of water.
And for lunch I had 1 1/2 cups turkey chili, a 1/2 banana, a glass of water, and another Spark.
It feels good. I feel good. So far I am not feeling any deprivation or shaking brought on by lack of Halloween candy consumption. Those KitKat's will begin to call my name, but they don't own me (picture my finger in the air and head going in circles)!
I hope someone reads this and finds in helpful in big ways, or small.
It's never too late to start making good and healthy decisions one snack, or one meal, at a time. Never too late!
Take from one perfectly imperfect mom of 3 that just wants to start feeling better, and living better, each and every day.
Lovin' this Spark,
The Joyful and Tired Mom
#Advocare #10 Day Cleanse #www.24andmuchmore.com #pure protein #clean eating #healthy living #more energy

#Hashtag Fever

I can't even believe I'm going to admit this, but I Am going to start using hashtags. Bleck! But I am, and I think they have value. Maybe.
As I embark on another 10 day Advocare Cleanse I thought it would be beneficial if someone did try to look something up about advocare, they could find my blog.
I love the cleanse because:
1) It is gentle and uneventful...if you know what I mean.
2) I feel sooooo good doing it!
3) I am healthier.
4) I feel healthier.
5) I do lose weight and inches.
6) I feel empowered.
7) Food no longer controls me or my thoughts.
8) I am no longer counting calories or points.
9) I am calm because I have a plan to jump start my healthy lifestyle goals. And I like a good plan.
10) I have more energy that I thought was possible with three little munchkins running around all the time.
So yes, if you would like to follow my 10 day journey, join me on Tuesday as I begin Day 1!

#Advocare #10DayCleanse #24daychallenge #24andmuchmore #more energy #weight loss #less stress #more energy

Breaking Free

I did it. I really did it. I deactivated my facebook account.
Now, before you think that I am going to get all judge-y on someone who is on facebook, here is my disclaimer: I think facebook is great. I do not think it is great for me.

For a while now I have had a stirring in my spirit that facebook wasn't good for me. I knew that when I was on it, I was miserable. I knew that when I was on it, it was robbing me of time with my children and Mark. I knew that when I was on it I wasn't being productive 99% of the time. I just knew, that something wasn't right; in fact, there was something very wrong about me being on facebook. But I could never put my finger on it. I just knew that I was on it a lot. And it was like a drug that I couldn't pull away from. I was checking it at stop lights while driving my kids around. Watching life through the lens of my smart phone so I could post pictures of my family, instead of living life with my family. And then checking every 4 minutes to see who had "liked" my new photos. (And getting annoyed when people didn't comment or "like" things I had posted-I was very mature about the whole thing :-) )

After being signed off for a month I am finally sitting down to publicly process my decision to get off of facebook, and my heart just aches at how bound I was to it. It sounds so foolish. So ridiculous. But what finally occurred to me 5 weeks ago is that I wasn't fixated on facebook per se. I was using it as an escape from life, to decompress, to find peace somewhere, satisfaction amidst chaos. I could have chosen any outlet, and facebook became my drug.

And then I started a bible study. And for the first time committed, whole heartedly, to doing the homework that was required. To say it has been life changing would be an understatement. What I learned 5 weeks ago in Beth Moore's study "Breaking Free" is that was have God-given rights or benefits when we believe in Jesus.
Two of those benefits are to
1)find satisfaction in God, and
2)experience His peace.

Isaiah 55:2 is one of the verses that really spoke to me. It says, "Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."
I was searching for ANYTHING to satisfy this longing in my soul. I was spending my money on what is not bread. Laboring with things that don't truly satisfy. I was searching for peace. Desperate for satisfaction...and I was looking in the wrong place. I hadn't realized that I was searching for satisfaction through social media.

I can think of a million reasons why I could stay on, and none of them are bad.
But for me, it isn't what's best. And one thing I know about my Jesus, is he wants the best for His children. Not a life without pain and disappointment. But the "best" in experiencing his peace. Finding satisfaction in Him. Enjoying his presence. Not just believing in Him, but BELIEVEING HIM. And in all of that, bring Him glory. Which honestly, is the coolest thing ever! I love how Beth Moore says it, "Christians can be miserably dissatisfied if they accept Christ's salvation yet reject the fullness of daily relationship that satisfies. Just as he offered the children of Israel, God offers us so much more than we usually choose to enjoy."
I want real satisfaction. Real peace. Not an imposter that is robbing me of the life God really wants me to live. So adios facebook.
Now, onto real living for this,
Joyful and Tired Mom

Welcome to the World of Motherhood, Where Judgments Never Cease

I'm going to be very honest here.

It's exhausting for my poor little brain to continue to be angry about how we judge each other as mom's sometimes.
I was reminded of this when my wonderful best and I were talking today and she recited to me a funny poem she was writing about motherhood, but didn't know if she would blog it because people might judge her and think she is an awful parent.

1) It was hysterical.
2) She should definitely share it with anyone who will read it.
3) It reminded me of the book "Go the F to Sleep." (Which I also thought was a riot.)
4) And then I got angry wondering if people would have thought the above mentioned book was as funny had a mom written it. Or did they love it because a funny dad wrote it?

It made me think of the weekend I went away for a women's retreat and Mark took all 3 boys to 3 grocery stores. When I asked how they did he told me that, you know, they were wrestling in the aisles. Other than that, they were fine. No one said something to him. AND...he didn't get "the look" from anyone! Why? Because he was the dad...and "good for him for taking all 3 kids grocery shopping by himself. Where was that horrible wife and mother anyway!?"

Truly though, this week I overheard on the news that people were tweeting about Kim Kardashian dying her hair blond and concerned about how this may affect a nursing baby. Um, is that really what we are concerned will be detremental to the child of Kim and Kanye? Really? I wanted to write her a letter and say, "You thought your every move was scrutinized before? Welcome to the world of Motherhood-the judgments are FAR WORSE over here." But I didn't...because I am just as bad as the next person sometimes. And I may not be judging Kim's hair dying; but I am certainly passing judgment on that stupid name they chose for their daughter.

Oh well. I'm tired of the judgments I pass. I am tired of other's judgments. Just tired of it!

But you know, if someone were going to, or wanting to pass judgment on someone, I gave them the perfect opportunity today. Had someone walked by our house at 7:30 a.m., 8:15 a.m., 9:00 a.m., 9:17 a.m., 10:08 a.m. 11:00 a.m., or 11:36 a.m. they would have heard the yelling of a mom who had had it up to her eyeballs in whining, fighting, crying, and wrestling until someone whined, fought, or cried. I was reminded approximately a million times why I shouldn't open my windows during the day. Because all I was giving people were soundbites into my chaotic life, and it didn't sound pretty.

All we see or hear and then focus on are peoples failures, not their successes as a parent. The world would be a much kinder place if we would all lay our pride aside and realize that ALL of our kids are going to be in therapy one day. And if they aren't, they probably should be...and it will inevitably, somehow, be our fault. Let's just embrace one another, admit that parenthood is hard regardless of how much we love our children, put the fighting words down, laugh at the stuff that's funny because life is too messy not to, and help each other out!

Wanting to be Different,
The Joyful and Tired, and sometimes Judgmental Mom

And the Oscar Goes to...

While trying to remain sane, and not laugh or cry in front of my kids during their ridiculous tirade the other day while Mark was throwing away old toys and pieces of old toys, I started envisioning Ryan Seacrest and Guiliana Rancic having a discussion on E! News Daily about the Academy Awards...and my children.

Their conversation would go something like this:

Ryan: "So who do you think will win the Oscar this year for best performance in a drama?"

Guliana: "Oh, I don't know Ryan. It really could be any one of the nominees. They were all terrific. However, my vote would be for one of the Allen boys. They really gave it their all in their performance of 'How to Make your parents Cry, Drink, and then Eat Their Feelings.'"

Ryan: "You know Guliana, I agree. They really were spectacular. Honestly, I have never seen anything like it. The way that Drew was able to begin dry heaving and send himself into an asthmatic episode over old puzzle pieces their dad was throwing away...brilliant."

Guliana: "He did put all of himself out there. I mean, causing an asthma attack making it diffuclt to breath...not many people would make that sacrifice for their craft."

Ryan: "Yes, but Drew says that his character is very complex. And if he really wants to be beyond adorable and sweet one moment, and cause his mom to lock herself in the bathroom and cry the next, it requires sacrifice, discipline, and really going for it each and every day."

Guliana: "But in your praise of Drew, you can not forget the performance turned in by Zachary. Oh my gosh, Ryan, it was brilliant. The way he tried to guilt his parents into submission. Truthfully, I have never seen it done better in all of my days.

Ryan: You know, I really do agree with you Guliana. How his parents managed to NOT give in and be overcome by his wallowing is quite astounding."

Guliana: "I know Ryan. They really are something, his parents. They didn't crumble. We should all hope for that kind of strength and fortitude when being hit from every angle by our children trying to tear down our resolve."

Ryan: "When Zachary, through tears, said to his dad, "I hope you are ok breaking your son's heart!" I lost it!"

Guliana: "What about when he yelled, "But they are a part of us!!" I have never understood a child's fixation with some toys. But after watching Zachary, I get it. I get it. I walked away feeling like his toys were a part of ME too!"

Ryan: "The Oscar could go to either of those two. But in truth, my guess is that whoever wins, they will share it with the other."

Guliana: "And both try to outdo the other one for the following year."

And then as the camera cuts out you would hear the 2 of them laughing together.

Yes, that was what went through my head as our kids had the "Meltdown of 2013." That name has a ring to it, doesn't it?

Have you ever experienced Oscar worthy moments with your child? Would love ot hear your stories! Please tell me we are not alone!

As always,
The Joyful and Tired Mom

Blurred Line

I read a recent blog that is making it's rounds on facebook in regards to the VMA's this past weekend. Not sure if you have heard anything about this up and comer Miley Cyrus, but apparently her performance was quite racy. Ha. This particular blogger, Matt Walsh, wrote a letter to his young son about what it means to be a man, a husband, a father. And instead of focusing on this young 20 year old still trying to find her place in the sordid world of pop music, he called out Robin Thicke. He called out the 36 year old, married father for bumping and grinding against the arse of a 20 year old. And truly, our conversations around the watercooler and social media shouldn't solely be focused on Miley Cyrus' twerking and her disgusting, raunchy, tongue (p.s. who told her that was cute anyway, or hot?). I loved his post. Loved his letter. Loved almost everything about it. But one thing really resonated with me after reading his blog. What stuck with me was a comment left by a girl, Maci, and her defense of Robin Thicke. It saddens me greatly that as women we all aren't outraged that the degredation of our sex is placed on a pedestal and glamorized. Is this what we have been hoping for in our world? A world where we are not seen as one, equal, deserving of respect and care. I, for one, think that too many of us have bought into the lie for too long; and we need to start standing for something greater than our bodies, our sexuality, our "choice". It's appauling to me. And the sad thing is, men haven't done this to us, we have done it to ourselves. We have willingly embraced the lies of our culture that tell us it is ok to be degraded to such a degree. But we don't mindlessly, or even skeptically go along with mainstream ideas. We embrace it! We seek it out! We celebrate it! It's disgusting. And as a young woman, I am sad. Just saddened by our society as a whole, for what we excuse, embrace, defend, and celebrate. I am tired of having people defend bumping, grinding, twerking, and being overtly sexual, and calling it "art". Or calling someone a "creative/musical genius." I could take a dump in a cup and throw it against my neighbor's mailbox and call it art. It doesn't mean I should. See, I think this is a valuable lesson we are not teaching the younger generations. Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD. There is wisdom in discernment and self-control. So while I am upset, not with Miley, but with our society as a whole...I will remember that when the day comes when my boys cannot be protected from all of the smut that is accessible to them anywhere, it is my job as their parent to teach them about discipline, self-control, wanting more than what this shallow world has to offer them, that there is a right, and there is a wrong. There isn't always a "blurred line."

Not Sure This is What God Intended for My Day of Rest

I'm going to be honest, real honest...and just admit that I have been beyond cranky these past 3 days. Like, inexcusably cranky. My kids just started school. so you would think I would be on cloud nine, right?! Well, I was, Wednesday-Friday...and then we had to have a weekend. I'm sorry, but I laughed my big rear end off the other day reading Jen Hatmaker's blog about her kids going back to school. She was so honest, and so real, and so...what is it I am trying to say? She was just done. Done with the fighting. Done with the whining. Done with the boredom. Done with her kids being home constantly. Just done. However, the way she writes endears you to her, it doesn't make you hate her and go, "Wow-that is one sucky mom right there." No, in fact, the opposite is true! After reposting her blog, one of my best's emailed, "We should do one of her bible studies." This woman is amazing to me. She manages to basically say, "If my kids don't get out of this house soon I am going to claw my own brains out." And people respond by wanting to be her best friend, and see her as someone who genuinely loves Jesus. What the what?! So I started thinking if I had that same delightful way of approaching the stress that comes with having 3 boys under the gae of 8, 2 dogs, and a husband that works 6-7 a week. The answer came back......um, heeeeeeeeck NO! I just come off as sounding mean, grouchy, and unlikable. It's hard to make kids running around, peeing in the woods, and getting a tick on their groin sound funny! I mean, doggone it, when I can read my three old's mind and see that he wants to give me the finger, like, 80% of the time, I am downright exhausted and mad, not whitty. Good grief, I am thankful for the people around me loving me inspite of me. But just to paint an accurate picture of my attitude this week, here are a few of the wonderfully delightful things I have said to friends. 1. I don't like people right now, so view everything I say through that lens. I just don't like people. 2. I can't stand stupid people. 3. I just gave Mark the finger, and meant it. 4. I don't like them right now. I love them. I just don't like them. 5. They were not in school enough days for me to actually miss them yet, and want them home for the weekend. 6. I am so done. Done. I am done. Done with the whining. Done with the fighting. Done with Lego Batman. Done with talking about work, and finances. Done with fighting bedtime. Done. Done. Done. Done. Done. I love school. I love that my kids loooove school. I love that all 3 will be in school this week, and there will be times when my house is silent and I can clean up Lilly's pee in peace. I love my wild and crazy life, but oh my gosh, I love the sound of silence after 8 years of noise. This will be the first time when all of my kids are in school at the same time, on a consistent basis, and I am not babysitting. I feel like I am arriving at the driveway of my dreams. Not quite at the door yet. That will be when Nate is in 1st grade and in school all day. But I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I love my children. I wouldn't want them to be anyone other than who they are, but good gracious...it's exhausting to entertain people every single day. And the answer isn't as simple as, "They need to play by themselves." Boys are amazing, but they can also be total idiots. If I let them play by themselves all the time, who would be able to shout the warning, "If you do that you will break another bone!" I love my family, and I love my friends. But today, I actually loved that I got a migraine and had the excuse to come home, take a muscle relaxer to help with my muscle spasms I get with my headaches, and crawl into bed for 5 1/2 hours and sleep the day away. And I love that I just woke up, Mark has the kids out for dinner, and I am going to go back upstairs and crawl back into bed and go to sleep for the night. For those who saw me at church this morning you know full well that a day of rest was deserved. Well deserved. And I love that tomorrow starts another week of school. Zachary and Drew will love being with their friends, and learning new things. And I can go to the grocery store with only one child, and not scream about the possibility of abduction, because he will stay with me the entire time. That alone is like a dream come true! The Joyful and incredibly Tired Mom, Lindsey

Loyal, Faithful, True

The other day I called one of my very best friends in the world. You know that friend: loyal, faithful, true, and able to speak truth into your life that pierces your heart. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by many women that lovingly point me in the direction of Jesus, many times, without speaking. But on occassion one of them will speak words of care, concern, love, compassion, and wisdom in my life that leads me to nearly dissolve into a puddle while driving down Polaris Parkway, and having many drivers think I am a crazy person behind the wheel. Tears, lots of snot...the good stuff, you know? I was sharing with my friend why this new business venture that my husband and I are involved in is difficult for me. Although we are working with health and wellness professionals, and it is good, I still feel very threatened because of mine and Mark's past. And although God has healed our marriage, and forgiveness reigns in our lives, there are triggers for me that bring back old fears, old insecurities that I thought had moved out of my mind...but have moved right back in the first chance they had. So I was just feeling everything really deeply this past weekend. Feeling threatened. Feeling sad. Feeling angry. Feeling scared. Feeling sorry for myself. And what my friend said was just beautiful. She said at church that day their pastor spoke something that hit her so hard, and spoke so loudly to her, and that it could speak to me. "Lindsey, Satan is the great accuser. He wants to accuse you of everything. You aren't good enough. You are a bad stay at home mom (Anyone who has ever been asked the dreaded, "how many hours of tv does your child watch in a day?" by their pediatrician understands that feeling of failure...um, 6 hours, before noon.) You aren't reading to your kids enough. You aren't playing with them enough. They aren't doing enough crafts. You aren't exposing them to enough things. You aren't a great wife. Your house is unorganized and messy. Your 7 month old puppy still craps all over the house...your fault. You are fat. All people will ever see in you is your belly. You aren't friends with some people because you just aren't cool enough. You will flounder forever trying to find your purpose. Etc. When you focus on these things, it takes your eyes off of the cross. Jesus has set you free from all of these accusations. And Satan just wants to remind you of these things every day. And the more you believe them, the less you see Jesus' love and forgiveness and acceptance." Every day I feel crushed by the weight of these accusations. And every day I put myself on trial and condemn myself...guilty! Guilty as charged. But that isn't Jesus. He doesn't want me to give these accusations a second thought. He isn't saying those things to me, the Enemy is. And every day I believe these lies to be truth. So why write this? Well, I wanted people, anyone really, to know they are loved. They are loved by their Father in heaven more than they could ever imagine. And some may not even know of this God I speak of, but He loves them still. And He loves me, more than I can possibly fathom or comprehend. The whole of His scripture tells me that. He loves me. He accepts me. As I am: blemishes, flaws, belly chubs, and messy house. He doesn't just love the good stuff. He loves all of me. And He loves all of you as well. The Joyful and Tired Mom who has been set free, Lindsey

The Difference a Y-Chromosone Can Make

Several years ago my friend and I went to check out a bible study at church. At one point of the evening one of the women who has 2 sons says, "Boys and girls are no different from one another when they are born. We program them to be different." My dad, who has one daughter, moi, and one son says,"I do not agree at all. I can tell you from experience that boys and girls are vastly different from the moment they enter this world." I agree with my dad. Now I am not saying that there aren't girls that are rough and tumble and like to play in the dirt; or that there aren't boys out there that enjoy playing a fun game of "house" or "school" with their friends. But, in general, boys are girls are crazy different from one another. I have been babysitting 3 girls recently. Love them. They are polite, quiet, and actually feel full when eating, and remain full for several hours after a meal. The oldest girl is 4 and she will take our large blocks and build castles, using my sons pokemon dolls as princesses to be rescued (my 7 year old would have a heart attack if he knew this was happening). The girls create games to play on their own. They create imaginative games to play together. Did I mention they were quiet? Quiet. Now that is a luxury that I do not experience...ever...in our home. Ever. Boys are loud. Even as I type our 3 year old is LOUDLY whining about something fairly insignificant...like he can't get his train to turn in the right direction. Boys are easily distracted. I will spend time planning and setting up and awesome activity for them to do, and within 15 seconds (can I even give them that much credit) one of the boys is like, "Squirrel!" and the rest of the boys follow suite. Boys are gross too. They just are. While the girls I babysit play house and love babies, I had boys over the other day and the younger ones all sat in a circle and smelled their feet, laughed, and smelled their stinky feet again. I mean, are you kidding me!? No one warned me about this stuff. Having children was supposed to be nothing but sunshine and roses, and ofcourse, GAP Kids clothing. In my experience it isn't ALL sunshine and roses, and there is ZERO GAP Kids in this house. And funny as potty humor may be, there comes a point where it has to get old...or you would think. This morning our 5 year old found a DS in the car, grabbed it, and started tape recording his "sweet" little voice. You know, a recording that I can keep forever to remember how he sounded when he was sweet and innocent and always listened-ha-kidding. But this is what Mark and I heard in the back seat, "Poop poop poop. poopy poopy. Fart. I pee my pants. AAAH! Poop poop poop. poopy poopy. Fart. I pee my pants. AAAAH!" Over and over again. And because we are good parents we started laughing. Then Mark told Drew it was time to stop with the potty talk. Drew took that as his cue to whisper this new song, not yell it. Like I said, he's a good listener. It truly is just mind blowing how different boys and girls are from one another. My boys scream, scratch, punch, kick, and wrestle each other. We practically have wrestle mania in our home every afternoon. When Mark comes home from work all the boys are begging for wrestle time! There is just something hardwired in them to want and need that kind of physically aggressive play. And over the years I have grown to love and appreciate just how different my boys, and life are, from the tea parties I had envisionsed I would be having one day with my children. They are loud. They are crazy. And they make us laugh daily. I wouldn't change it. In fact, when I finally had the opportunity to play an imaginative "pet shop" game with one of the girls I babysit, I literally looked at Mark and said, "I have no idea what I am doing. I don't know how to play!" I'll stick to the farting and burping and wrestling. And I have to tell you, that even as I type, the elementary kids are getting off of the bus and walking through our yard. As I look out the window the girls are walking side by side, deep in conversation. And there are 6 boys in our front yard all grabbing onto each other and trying to throw one another to the ground, with huge smiles on all of their faces. Unreal. The Always Chaotic Life of, The Joyful and Tired, and Content Mom

IT ISN"T FAIR!

"IT'S NOT FAIR!!!," I scream. "Remember Mommy, life isn't fair," my 7 year old reminds me. You would think he has heard this, maybe, a million + 1 times. But you know what, IT ISN'T FAIR! LIFE AS A MOM ISN'T FAIR. And so I am going to break down all the reasons why! I love being a mother, but recently there have been several things that have caused me to laugh out loud at their absurdity that goes hand in hand with motherhood. 1. A few weeks ago I went away for the night with some grilfriends. While I Was away I Was getting periodic texts from MArk about what he and the boys were doing. What were they doing? He took them to 3 seperate grocery stores to do our shopping for the week. Now first of all, this alone made me jealous. I can't take all 3 kids to one store, much less three. I, along with everyone else in the store, would lose their minds. But no, Mark was a super hero and just doing the errands, no problem. When I asked how the kids were he says, "Oh, well you know, they were wrestling a little in the aisles." Wait, what?! This would have caused me to have a coronary. I mean, I can feel the vein in my head popping out now just thinking about it! Wrestling? In the aisles? And you didn't feel people's eyes boaring into your soul with judgment and condemnation? No? Oh really! And this is what occurred to me...people weren't cursing Mark under their breath because he's THE DAD! And how awesome is this dad for taking all 3 of his kids to the store? He still has a wedding ring on, so he isn't a single dad. He's married and his wife made him take all 3 kids to the store?! What kind of wife and mother is she anyway? BUt this heroic father has so much responsibility. And we know his kids are wrestling in the aisles, but...the dad brought them to the store. That is so sweet. If it had been me, the mom, this is what people would have thought, "That mother needs to get her kids under control." And you know what, some people would have even said that. Never mind the tears that would have probably been streaming down my cheeks. There is no time for compassion when it comes to helping and understanding mom...only judgment passing time! Woohoo! It's like a party that everyone is invited to, but you, the mom, because you are the brunt of their critisisms. 2. Every morning before my feet hit the floor my childrens are asking me for something. I know, I know. I am a mom. I want to do things for my children and take care of them. But I don't even have time to wipe the sleep out of my eyes before someone is asking me for something: breakfast, water, the ipad, skylanders, fighting over something and needing me to break up a fight, or needing me to clean up spilled milk. So the other day Mark jumped out of bed at the first hint the kids were awake so that I could sleep in a bit. When I finally got up, like 2 hours after the kids had gotten up, I went downstairs and was taking my time making coffee and getting breakfast. No lie, hte kids heard my footsteps, ran upstairs from the basement, and started begging me for different things for breakfast. Are you freaking kidding me!!!! YOu have been up with your dad for 2 hours, and NO ONE asked him for anything!!!! They just got to play with their dad all morning, and he got the best of each of them. And then it's like, "Oh there's mom! Quick, everyone, whiny voices ready?!...and...GO!" 3. And lastly, this morning's "it's not fair" moment. I was helping Zachary finish his homework. He was reading his books to me, which is one of my most favorite times with him. I just love it. Anyways. He was reading to me. And apparently my 5 and 3 year old have still not learned, after 2 years, that when Zachary is reading they aren't supposed to talk to me or pet the book Zachary is trying to read. So while I Am working on homework and feeling my blood pressure rise Nate and Drew continued to ask me for things. All the while, Mark is in the kitchen making breakfast and cleaning up the milk Nate had spilled. But truly, Mark was standing at the kitchen table, Nate grabbed a clementine off the kitchen table, walked passed Mark ,and came into the family room to ask me to peel it. AAAAH!!!! There are days I honestly want to scream. Now I know that I am making Mark sound like he doesn't do much. That isn't it at all. He is constantly telling the boys to come to him for help too. He is an amazing (and I can't stress this enough)-AMAZING-husband and father. Truly amazing! The boys and I are so lucky. I just sometimes wish that I could breathe without someone making a demand on me. That I could have one sip of highly caffeinated coffee before I had to break up 6 fights over something insignificant like a sock. Any with me? Or am I standing on this island alone? Preparing myself for judgments and harsh critism, The Joyful and Tired Mom

Fire in the Hole!

I used to love, and I mean, LOVE, all things fitness. Running, swimming, lifting, aerobics...everything. It was a passion of mine, and I loved doing it. It was not a drag or a chore. I legit, loved everything about it. But true confession time...it has been years since I have had any fire in the belly to work hard. Every day I wake up and fight to keep my eyes open, and really have to persuade myself to work my muscles. But more often than not, my lazy self defeats my motivated self in my battle in my mind, and I end up not working out the way I used to once love doing. But this month I have decided to do Debbie Reichert's Fit and Healthy "Ab"Tastic Challenge. But here is the battle I faced when I started...I missed the first few days for one reason or another, and so the lie my brain was trying to convince me to believe was, "Well, if you didn't start on the 1st of the month, why start?" But no, I started on Day 4, and I will finish this monthly challenge because I owe it to myself to do so, and I love that my kids see me working on my core muscles; and love to see them exercise too.

Plus, I have started to train for another 1/2 marathon, and this is one more piece of an important puzzle that I haven't quite put together in a long time. So here I am, ready to run, ready to work, actually enjoying sore abs, unbelievably tired, and wishing that I could gain back some of that fire that drove me to pursue fitness years ago. The Joyful and TIRED Mom

Is it just me, or will your kids be in therapy too?

My poor, poor children. A few years ago there was a dad Mark and I were having a conversation with and, God love him, he says, "I just don't want to do anything that is going to mess them up. I just want to do it right, you know?" My response, "Oh, my kids will one day be in therapy and it will somehow be my fault." Hmmmm? Just had an epiphany...maybe that's why this gentleman and his family never wanted to hang out with us again. He was trying to be serious, and I scoffed at his concerns and fears with this attitude of, "Please dude, screwing them up is inevitable. Kinda part of our job description." Anyway...today was a day that I am confident will go down in Drew's book of 'memories of mom.' And truthfully, I will be so sad if today is part of my legacy. I want to be remembered for loving people deeply, making people feel welcomed and cared for, loving my children well, loving my husband well, and having thighs that don't touch. But today, yes today, will be the day that will be etched in Drew's memory for sure. Daggone it! What you need to know about me before I tell my short story...I am not a cryer. I know! I know! For those who knew me in high school and college you can pick your jaws up off the floor and stop calling me a liar. A lot has changed since then...thank Jesus. Can I get an Amen?! So with not being a cryer per se, my outlet when I am overwhelmed is to be frustrated, angry,or to get very silent, start focusing and getting angry about things that don't even effect me, (like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Still so angry she is pregnant. And as I vented to my mom she lovingly consoled me by saying, "I understand why this is so upsetting to you since you are around them daily. It really does impact your life." Ha. Ha. Mom.) Oh, I also confess that I will swear at times too. Those are definitely not shining moments for me, but it happens. My go to when I am overwhelmed is more anger, frustration, withdrawing, and chocolate...lots and lots of chocolate. So today, the day that will live in infamy with my children, I totally lost it. And my boys had no idea what to do, so everyone just stared at me. The morning was only slightly more crazy than a typical morning. I did shower and brush my teeth and get ready which took some time, and maybe that's why things were more rushed than normal (reason #156 why I don't shower in the morning, or every day, or brush my teeth for that matter-it's ok, you can judge me). But today, after feeling rushed all morning, and trying to get out of the house with a lot of coaxing on my part: Nate fell, Drew wouldn't help me carry a few of the things I was carrying so I could hold Nate and comfort him, while carrying a baby seat into New Hope, and out of nowhere I lost it. I mean, looooost it. I started sobbing, heavily, into my hands, while Nate, Drew, and the 2 children I babysit just stared in disbelief at me. A sweet woman from the church came over to help me and I couldn't turn the tears off. And she just kept gently saying to me, "Oh no no sweetheart, don't do that. Don't do that." I was even freaking her out. Who is this nutjob with 4 kids standing at the front door of a church losing it!? IT WAS ME! I was so embarrassed. As the tears were pouring down my face someone else says, "One of those mornings?" As a parent you know what "one of those mornings" is. But all I could say while pointing to my tear stained face, while still crying, was, "I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with this. I am not a cryer. I'm not. This is ridiculous." By the time I stopped crying, my boys had lost all respect for me, and all my make-up had washed off my face. And to be honest, I am not sure which upsets me more! Probably losing my make-up. So tonight I am trying to salvage my dignity with my children. Earn, maybe, an ounce of respect back. Avoid chocolate at all costs. And not let Kim and Kanye ruin another night for me. The Joyful, Tired, and Tearstained Mom, Lindsey