Well, Mark and I started our Crisis Marriage Coaches training last night. And let me tell you...we were SO ENCOURAGED, and are so beyond excited to be a part of this incredible ministry that offers hope and encouragement to couples in crisis.
A part of the coaches responisibilities may include leading a class called Begin Again. The best analogy to describe Begin Again is that it is like an emergency room and everyone there needs urgent care.
Begin Again is a group of couples that meet every week for 6 weeks. The couples are required to go to this group, do weekly assignments, etc. The aim is to help the individuals grow in their relationship with Christ, help the couples work toward a healthy relationship again through communication and forgiveness, with the ultimate goal of restoration for the couples. It's an incredible program that Mark and I were a part of 2 years ago. Amazinigly, all the couples that we went through this program with are all still together. And when I say each of us were in crisis...we were in crisis. So to say that each couple is still married is a testament to the power of Christ in each of our lives, and His desire to reconcile, redeem, and restore even the most broken.
One thing Mark and I found so encouraging was that of the couples they could track that had gone through this program from 2004-present: 120 had reconciled, 12 had divorced, and 8 had separated. 120 HAD RECONCILED!!!!!!! I mean, isn't that amazing!? Wow! That statistic is so astounding to me.
But you know, Begin Agaiin is a great program, and God is Sovereign and Mighty and Good, but also...the people who are living a redeemed life in their marriage worked incredibly hard to get to the place of reconciliation and forgiveness. It did not come easily for any of us.
So last night I started thinking more about forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't easy. Gosh, it isn't easy. I have had to work through a lot of forgiveness issues with those who have hurt me. But also, I have been on the side of being unforgiven. And what I have realized is that if you are the one withholding forgiveness you have put yourself in your own prison. Questions that I have begun to ask in regards to withholding forgiveness are:
1) What is your unforgiveness costing you?
2) What is the benefit of unforgiveness?
3) Who does unforgiveness benefit?
4) Has unforgiveness ever reaped a harvest of something good-ever?
5) When does it end?
6) And who am I to withhold forgiveness from anyone?
After surviving what Mark and I survived, and seeing other couples survive and thrive after a tragedy..or many tragedies...I can only say that unforgiveness and forgiveness are extremely powerful in either bringing life or death to a relationship.
What side of the spectrum do you fall?
Grateful to be Involved in God's Work in People's Lives,
The Joyful and Tired Mom
The Joyful and Tired Mom
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Sexton 3
I have inicluded 2 posts from a family blog I have been following. These are 2 of the most amazing passages I have ever read and desperately wanted to share them with you.
www.lukesexton.blogspot.com
He is worth it all.
"Lord, take our lives and do whatever you want with them. We are yours. We want to be used by you, so Lord - lead us, guide us, send us. More than anything Lord, we want to bring You glory."
Months before we were even pregnant, Benson and I began praying that God would start to use us in a radical way. Over a period of months, we had grown spiritually stagnant. Our lives and our ministry had become a weekly routine and we grew desperate for a change. So, we began to pray for God to move - to challenge us, to fill us with His presence, to send us to people and places where we could minister, to shake up our world in a way that would glorify Him.
When I found out that I was expecting a baby, I began to fervently pray that God would anoint him even before birth. I prayed prayers that some people would call crazy - that the Lord would fill Him with the Holy Spirit, that He would be an ambassador of the Gospel and that people would come to know Christ because of his life. I gave Luke to the Lord very early on - knowing and trusting that this baby would grow up to bring glory to the kingdom of God.
I look back on those prayers and realize now just how faithful God is when we call on Him. Maybe I should have listened to all those times people told me to "be careful what you pray for."
Last night as I sat in a pew worshipping the Lord as my amazingly talented and passion-filled husband led worship with Steadfast, the Lord began to speak into my heart. I felt the Spirit leading me and convicting me to once again, give my life over to the Lord...to let Him have his way with my family and with my future...to commit myself to His ministry and His call. It is a prayer that I have prayed many times throughout my life - however, last night - the thought of promising my life over to God absolutely terrified me.
You see, it wasn't long ago that Benson and I started talking about having another baby. I know most people would think that we should take months or even years before trying to get pregnant again. However, as Benson and I both prayed, the Lord spoke into our spirits that He would bless us in His time - whether that means a few weeks, a few months or a few years...and whenever He was ready to bless us in that way, we were ready to receive it.
A few days after having this conversation, satan began to speak doubt into my mind..."What if you lose another baby? What if you have a miscarriage? What if your next baby has another heart defect?..." The more people told us about how Luke touched their lives and how God used him in such a mighty way, satan would try to speak thoughts of how "You prayed for this...you asked for God to use your baby...He answered your prayers..." into my mind.
So, last night... when I felt convicted to pray once again for God to use my life, I could hear the devil saying "But Kristin, what if He chooses to use your next baby in the same way as Luke?"
Luke 9:23 says "Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."
In society during the time of Christ, the cross was a symbol for pain and suffering. It was a well-known figure that represented torture and death. When He call us to "take up our cross" He does so with the understanding that giving your life to Him will most likely involve some kind of pain and sorrow. We must give up everything to serve Him, knowing that it will not always be easy - but in the end, it will be worth it.
So last night, I went to the altar with a heavy heart. The Lord knew my fears and as much as I wanted Him to speak to me and promise me that I would ever have to go through such intense pain again - I knew that He couldn't. The Lord cannot promise me that I will never hurt again or that He will never lead Benson and I down another dark path. What He does promise is that He will never leave me or forsake me...that He loves me and He will always be my strength.
So, last night...on my knees in front of the Lord, I prayed a prayer that I would never have dreamed I would ever have to pray...
"Lord...I love you. I give you my life...I give you my yesterdays and my tomorrows. My heart is broken and I feel so empty Lord. My pain is unbearable at times, but...You Jesus are the lifter of my head. You promise that no matter what, You will never leave me or forsake me.
So, whatever you want me to do Lord - I'll do it...whether that means that I may have to suffer or go through heartache again - as long as it brings you glory Lord, I am willing...send me...
...and if that means losing another baby, I'm okay with that...because Jesus, you are worth it. You are worth it all."
I don't tell you any of this to bring any kind of glory to myself...I tell you this because it's true...He is worth it all.
People have asked how we can go through losing our baby boy and still have a passion to serve God...why after all we have been through, we choose to give our lives to Him - I can tell you very simply why it is so easy for us to do..
It is because we have tried everything else in this world and the ONLY thing that works is Jesus.
Drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, anger, bitterness, resentment, depression - between both Benson and I we have been there and done that. I am telling you, nothing fills the void in your life like Jesus can. Nothing. So when you are faced with pain or suffering, you have a choice. You can either run away from Jesus or run to Him. I have ran the other way before and learned the hard way - if you want healing, if you want Him to mend your brokenness...you can't do it on your own. You have to choose each day to give it all to Jesus.
We both feel like the Lord has brought us through so much in our lives because He wants to use our lives, both past and present, to glorify Him. I know that there are many of you who read this blog who are going through a lot of hurt and pain right now. Maybe you lost a child or someone your love...or maybe you are in a relationship that is not glorifying the Lord...or perhaps you just aren't where you need to be spiritually and you need to reconnect with Jesus...or maybe you have never really truly accepted Him as your Lord and Savior and want to know more about how to become a follower of Christ...we want to be an outlet of grace for you to share your feelings with or ask questions.
Some of the greatest way to release bondage in your own life is to just get it out in the open and tell others of your hurt. We don't have all the answers, but we know a God who does. We are real people with real pain and we want you to know that if you are hurting, you are not alone.
If you feel led to share what is going on in your life and just want someone to reach out to our email addresses are listed below. Please feel free to send us a message:
Kristin's email: kristin.sexton@yahoo.com
Benson's email: bensonsexton@hotmail.com
Also, if you would like or us to come and speak to your church, youth group, school or anywhere - please contact us. More than anything, we want to keep Luke's story alive and continue the ministry that the Lord has called us to. We would love to share Christ with as many people as we have the opportunity to. You can email us or message us on Facebook to contact us.
So where are you today? Are you too filled with fear to allow the Lord to completely have your life? Are you too scared to take up your cross and follow Him? Do not allow satan to rob you of the amazing journey that Christ has for your life. No matter where that journey takes you, whether through joy or pain, we serve a God that is there to carry you every step of the way...and trust me, He is worth it all.
A mother's heart.
This will be my first post since Luke went to Heaven. I have sat here with the laptop in my lap for hours not knowing where to start. What can I say when my heart hurts so bad?
I have decided that all I can do is be honest about what I am feeling and thinking. So many of you tell me that you think I am strong - and I will be first to tell you, my strength is only from the Lord. My flesh is broken and weak. I am a mother without her baby to hold and I have quickly realized that there is no earthly strength that is strong enough to get me through this on my own. All I can do is praise God that He is the lifter of my head and that He is near to the brokenhearted during this time.
Yesterday, I was a mess. I could not get over how empty I felt. I look at my stomach and cry... not because my clothes don't fit or because I'm not skinny... but because its empty. One month ago today, I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I could feel his little feet pressing up against my ribs and feel his little body jump when he had the hiccups. I could push against my belly and pat his butt.
One month ago, I was carrying Luke.
More than anything, I loved being pregnant with him. There is something so incredibly special about the bond between a mother and her unborn baby. Luke was my best friend. For nine months, we liked the same foods, listened to the same music, shopped online at our favorite stores and went everywhere together. He was a part of me, a God-formed miracle that was as important to my life as my very own heartbeat. Even though at the time I had never met him, I knew him and he knew me. I talked to him about Jesus and sang praise and worship songs to him in the car. He heard my jokes and knew I was funny (even funnier than his daddy!). He knew my voice and he knew I loved the Lord and that I loved him and prayed for him everyday. I only carried him for nine months but I felt like I had been his mother for my entire life.
Today, I cannot feel Luke with my hands. I cannot pick him up and hold him in my arms... and even though I know he is with Jesus, I miss him. I really miss him.
No words could ever explain how deep the void is in my heart. I have tasted of the sweetest joy that God gives on this Earth and it has left me with an insatiable hunger that cannot be filled.
However, no matter how much I hurt now - my pain is nothing compared to what I felt when I stood over my baby with his arms and legs turning black from lack of circulation. It is a mere sting compared to the deep ache I had when I saw his face in pain. Unless you saw Luke in the hospital, you will never fully comprehend just how sick our little boy was. As much as my arms ache for him, I have peace in knowing that the Lord knew best. I am not mad. I am not bitter. I cry for my own selfishness of dreams and hopes for my son that will never come to pass in this life. My grief is in my flesh and my spirit shouts with joy that my little boy is healed. I praise the Lord that I "do not have to grieve as those who have no hope" (1 Thess. 4:13-14 -- thank you Jesus!)
I am so thankful for all of the prayers and comments people have sent. Please know we read every one of them. There is no way we could respond to them all. There have been so many people who have helped pray us through this and we are so thankful. I am especially thankful for one person that God placed in my life that has been my source of strength every day. They have been there to hold me and cry with me when I felt like my world was falling apart and I can honestly say, I would not be able to do this without them. I would like to take the opportunity to thank that very special person who I know will be reading this...
Benson Sexton... I have never loved you more. In the midst of the worst days of our lives, I have fallen in love with you all over again. You will never fully understand how your love has held me together during the past few weeks. You are so much more than my husband and father to our baby boy - you are my rock, my anchor and my very breath with I cannot breathe on my own. We have stood beside our baby's bed and beside his casket in the very same week. No one (especially you) deserves to experience such intense pain. So many of my tears are because I hurt for you. I hurt for all the UK games you wanted to take Luke to, all the songs you would have sang to him, all the laughs I would have had watching you change his diaper for the first time. I am so sorry that the three of us will never share those memories together on this Earth. Thank you for being such a man of God and for loving Him even more than you love me. Thank you for being everything I ever dreamed of and more in a husband and best friend. Thank you for being the most incredible dad to Luke and for praying and singing over him even when it was hard. I know the Lord is going to fulfill every promise to us and I absolutely cannot wait to be blessed alongside you. I am so proud to be your wife and your partner in ministry. I love you now and will always love you no matter where life takes us.
www.lukesexton.blogspot.com
He is worth it all.
"Lord, take our lives and do whatever you want with them. We are yours. We want to be used by you, so Lord - lead us, guide us, send us. More than anything Lord, we want to bring You glory."
Months before we were even pregnant, Benson and I began praying that God would start to use us in a radical way. Over a period of months, we had grown spiritually stagnant. Our lives and our ministry had become a weekly routine and we grew desperate for a change. So, we began to pray for God to move - to challenge us, to fill us with His presence, to send us to people and places where we could minister, to shake up our world in a way that would glorify Him.
When I found out that I was expecting a baby, I began to fervently pray that God would anoint him even before birth. I prayed prayers that some people would call crazy - that the Lord would fill Him with the Holy Spirit, that He would be an ambassador of the Gospel and that people would come to know Christ because of his life. I gave Luke to the Lord very early on - knowing and trusting that this baby would grow up to bring glory to the kingdom of God.
I look back on those prayers and realize now just how faithful God is when we call on Him. Maybe I should have listened to all those times people told me to "be careful what you pray for."
Last night as I sat in a pew worshipping the Lord as my amazingly talented and passion-filled husband led worship with Steadfast, the Lord began to speak into my heart. I felt the Spirit leading me and convicting me to once again, give my life over to the Lord...to let Him have his way with my family and with my future...to commit myself to His ministry and His call. It is a prayer that I have prayed many times throughout my life - however, last night - the thought of promising my life over to God absolutely terrified me.
You see, it wasn't long ago that Benson and I started talking about having another baby. I know most people would think that we should take months or even years before trying to get pregnant again. However, as Benson and I both prayed, the Lord spoke into our spirits that He would bless us in His time - whether that means a few weeks, a few months or a few years...and whenever He was ready to bless us in that way, we were ready to receive it.
A few days after having this conversation, satan began to speak doubt into my mind..."What if you lose another baby? What if you have a miscarriage? What if your next baby has another heart defect?..." The more people told us about how Luke touched their lives and how God used him in such a mighty way, satan would try to speak thoughts of how "You prayed for this...you asked for God to use your baby...He answered your prayers..." into my mind.
So, last night... when I felt convicted to pray once again for God to use my life, I could hear the devil saying "But Kristin, what if He chooses to use your next baby in the same way as Luke?"
Luke 9:23 says "Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."
In society during the time of Christ, the cross was a symbol for pain and suffering. It was a well-known figure that represented torture and death. When He call us to "take up our cross" He does so with the understanding that giving your life to Him will most likely involve some kind of pain and sorrow. We must give up everything to serve Him, knowing that it will not always be easy - but in the end, it will be worth it.
So last night, I went to the altar with a heavy heart. The Lord knew my fears and as much as I wanted Him to speak to me and promise me that I would ever have to go through such intense pain again - I knew that He couldn't. The Lord cannot promise me that I will never hurt again or that He will never lead Benson and I down another dark path. What He does promise is that He will never leave me or forsake me...that He loves me and He will always be my strength.
So, last night...on my knees in front of the Lord, I prayed a prayer that I would never have dreamed I would ever have to pray...
"Lord...I love you. I give you my life...I give you my yesterdays and my tomorrows. My heart is broken and I feel so empty Lord. My pain is unbearable at times, but...You Jesus are the lifter of my head. You promise that no matter what, You will never leave me or forsake me.
So, whatever you want me to do Lord - I'll do it...whether that means that I may have to suffer or go through heartache again - as long as it brings you glory Lord, I am willing...send me...
...and if that means losing another baby, I'm okay with that...because Jesus, you are worth it. You are worth it all."
I don't tell you any of this to bring any kind of glory to myself...I tell you this because it's true...He is worth it all.
People have asked how we can go through losing our baby boy and still have a passion to serve God...why after all we have been through, we choose to give our lives to Him - I can tell you very simply why it is so easy for us to do..
It is because we have tried everything else in this world and the ONLY thing that works is Jesus.
Drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, anger, bitterness, resentment, depression - between both Benson and I we have been there and done that. I am telling you, nothing fills the void in your life like Jesus can. Nothing. So when you are faced with pain or suffering, you have a choice. You can either run away from Jesus or run to Him. I have ran the other way before and learned the hard way - if you want healing, if you want Him to mend your brokenness...you can't do it on your own. You have to choose each day to give it all to Jesus.
We both feel like the Lord has brought us through so much in our lives because He wants to use our lives, both past and present, to glorify Him. I know that there are many of you who read this blog who are going through a lot of hurt and pain right now. Maybe you lost a child or someone your love...or maybe you are in a relationship that is not glorifying the Lord...or perhaps you just aren't where you need to be spiritually and you need to reconnect with Jesus...or maybe you have never really truly accepted Him as your Lord and Savior and want to know more about how to become a follower of Christ...we want to be an outlet of grace for you to share your feelings with or ask questions.
Some of the greatest way to release bondage in your own life is to just get it out in the open and tell others of your hurt. We don't have all the answers, but we know a God who does. We are real people with real pain and we want you to know that if you are hurting, you are not alone.
If you feel led to share what is going on in your life and just want someone to reach out to our email addresses are listed below. Please feel free to send us a message:
Kristin's email: kristin.sexton@yahoo.com
Benson's email: bensonsexton@hotmail.com
Also, if you would like or us to come and speak to your church, youth group, school or anywhere - please contact us. More than anything, we want to keep Luke's story alive and continue the ministry that the Lord has called us to. We would love to share Christ with as many people as we have the opportunity to. You can email us or message us on Facebook to contact us.
So where are you today? Are you too filled with fear to allow the Lord to completely have your life? Are you too scared to take up your cross and follow Him? Do not allow satan to rob you of the amazing journey that Christ has for your life. No matter where that journey takes you, whether through joy or pain, we serve a God that is there to carry you every step of the way...and trust me, He is worth it all.
A mother's heart.
This will be my first post since Luke went to Heaven. I have sat here with the laptop in my lap for hours not knowing where to start. What can I say when my heart hurts so bad?
I have decided that all I can do is be honest about what I am feeling and thinking. So many of you tell me that you think I am strong - and I will be first to tell you, my strength is only from the Lord. My flesh is broken and weak. I am a mother without her baby to hold and I have quickly realized that there is no earthly strength that is strong enough to get me through this on my own. All I can do is praise God that He is the lifter of my head and that He is near to the brokenhearted during this time.
Yesterday, I was a mess. I could not get over how empty I felt. I look at my stomach and cry... not because my clothes don't fit or because I'm not skinny... but because its empty. One month ago today, I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I could feel his little feet pressing up against my ribs and feel his little body jump when he had the hiccups. I could push against my belly and pat his butt.
One month ago, I was carrying Luke.
More than anything, I loved being pregnant with him. There is something so incredibly special about the bond between a mother and her unborn baby. Luke was my best friend. For nine months, we liked the same foods, listened to the same music, shopped online at our favorite stores and went everywhere together. He was a part of me, a God-formed miracle that was as important to my life as my very own heartbeat. Even though at the time I had never met him, I knew him and he knew me. I talked to him about Jesus and sang praise and worship songs to him in the car. He heard my jokes and knew I was funny (even funnier than his daddy!). He knew my voice and he knew I loved the Lord and that I loved him and prayed for him everyday. I only carried him for nine months but I felt like I had been his mother for my entire life.
Today, I cannot feel Luke with my hands. I cannot pick him up and hold him in my arms... and even though I know he is with Jesus, I miss him. I really miss him.
No words could ever explain how deep the void is in my heart. I have tasted of the sweetest joy that God gives on this Earth and it has left me with an insatiable hunger that cannot be filled.
However, no matter how much I hurt now - my pain is nothing compared to what I felt when I stood over my baby with his arms and legs turning black from lack of circulation. It is a mere sting compared to the deep ache I had when I saw his face in pain. Unless you saw Luke in the hospital, you will never fully comprehend just how sick our little boy was. As much as my arms ache for him, I have peace in knowing that the Lord knew best. I am not mad. I am not bitter. I cry for my own selfishness of dreams and hopes for my son that will never come to pass in this life. My grief is in my flesh and my spirit shouts with joy that my little boy is healed. I praise the Lord that I "do not have to grieve as those who have no hope" (1 Thess. 4:13-14 -- thank you Jesus!)
I am so thankful for all of the prayers and comments people have sent. Please know we read every one of them. There is no way we could respond to them all. There have been so many people who have helped pray us through this and we are so thankful. I am especially thankful for one person that God placed in my life that has been my source of strength every day. They have been there to hold me and cry with me when I felt like my world was falling apart and I can honestly say, I would not be able to do this without them. I would like to take the opportunity to thank that very special person who I know will be reading this...
Benson Sexton... I have never loved you more. In the midst of the worst days of our lives, I have fallen in love with you all over again. You will never fully understand how your love has held me together during the past few weeks. You are so much more than my husband and father to our baby boy - you are my rock, my anchor and my very breath with I cannot breathe on my own. We have stood beside our baby's bed and beside his casket in the very same week. No one (especially you) deserves to experience such intense pain. So many of my tears are because I hurt for you. I hurt for all the UK games you wanted to take Luke to, all the songs you would have sang to him, all the laughs I would have had watching you change his diaper for the first time. I am so sorry that the three of us will never share those memories together on this Earth. Thank you for being such a man of God and for loving Him even more than you love me. Thank you for being everything I ever dreamed of and more in a husband and best friend. Thank you for being the most incredible dad to Luke and for praying and singing over him even when it was hard. I know the Lord is going to fulfill every promise to us and I absolutely cannot wait to be blessed alongside you. I am so proud to be your wife and your partner in ministry. I love you now and will always love you no matter where life takes us.
Love This Life
Have you ever just been so ridiculously thankful for the life you have been given? Not because it is perfect-those of you who know me know that isn't the case. Not because your house is perfect or you have a perfect job. Not because your kids always behave just as they should...mine are close, but...hahahahaha...
No, you just sit back and reflect on the good things in your world and you get that wonderful feeling of contentment as you look at your life and the family you have been given.
I am having one of those mornings today. I am just giddy inside at how much I love this life I have been given, and my family that has been fought for. It could be because I am sittinig in silence right now drinking my coffee and the kids aren't screaming at one another or pulling ONE MORE popcicle out of the freezer. Or it could be that there are times when the presence of God and His sovereignty in my life and His blessings are so apparent that I can't do anything but be grateful and bask in the joys of this life. Whatever it is, and I am thankful to God for this morning, and for this day.
It's just good. God is good. Life is good. I love my family. I love my community. I love my friends. I just love this life.
Thank you Jesus for the opportunity to live it.
Grateful,
The Very Joyful and not so Tired Mom
No, you just sit back and reflect on the good things in your world and you get that wonderful feeling of contentment as you look at your life and the family you have been given.
I am having one of those mornings today. I am just giddy inside at how much I love this life I have been given, and my family that has been fought for. It could be because I am sittinig in silence right now drinking my coffee and the kids aren't screaming at one another or pulling ONE MORE popcicle out of the freezer. Or it could be that there are times when the presence of God and His sovereignty in my life and His blessings are so apparent that I can't do anything but be grateful and bask in the joys of this life. Whatever it is, and I am thankful to God for this morning, and for this day.
It's just good. God is good. Life is good. I love my family. I love my community. I love my friends. I just love this life.
Thank you Jesus for the opportunity to live it.
Grateful,
The Very Joyful and not so Tired Mom
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Just One of Those Days
Today is just one of those days. I'm not here to offer anything profound that has spoken to me today. I'm not here to talk about some major life lesson I have learned. Nope, I'm just sitting at the computer thinking to myself, "Maybe I'll just blog. I have nothing to say accept, "Today I am a more tired mom, than a joyful one."
Ever have those days? Someone please say yes so I don't feel overwhelming guilt. Oh the guilt...I remember a piece of advice I gave a friend once before her first child was born, "Don't own the Mommy Guilt." And I have to be honest...most days I am the worst at owning and living in a mansion on Mommy Guilt Lane. It's as though I set up full residency at this place.
Oh well, this day will pass. I should have known it was going to be a rough one though when we went to Walmart this morning to go grocery shopping and an employee basically played 'chicken' with me to see who would move first. I lost. I had to haul my huge cart out of her way because she couldn't be bothered with taking 2 steps to the right to walk around me, the customer. I couldn't let go of my frustration. Seriously. I was so mad. In fact, I'm still upset about it! I have taken my Walmart grudge home and I am just makin' love to it. Never to let it go again. I even thought about calling them to tell them they lost a customer today-knowing full well that isn't the case because their prices are just too good. Such a moral delimna! :-)
Thanks for checking in on the,
Joyful, but oh so Exhausted Mom
Ever have those days? Someone please say yes so I don't feel overwhelming guilt. Oh the guilt...I remember a piece of advice I gave a friend once before her first child was born, "Don't own the Mommy Guilt." And I have to be honest...most days I am the worst at owning and living in a mansion on Mommy Guilt Lane. It's as though I set up full residency at this place.
Oh well, this day will pass. I should have known it was going to be a rough one though when we went to Walmart this morning to go grocery shopping and an employee basically played 'chicken' with me to see who would move first. I lost. I had to haul my huge cart out of her way because she couldn't be bothered with taking 2 steps to the right to walk around me, the customer. I couldn't let go of my frustration. Seriously. I was so mad. In fact, I'm still upset about it! I have taken my Walmart grudge home and I am just makin' love to it. Never to let it go again. I even thought about calling them to tell them they lost a customer today-knowing full well that isn't the case because their prices are just too good. Such a moral delimna! :-)
Thanks for checking in on the,
Joyful, but oh so Exhausted Mom
Thursday, August 12, 2010
He Can Swim!!!!
My sweet baby boy can swim. HE CAN SWIM!!!!!!!!!!
I could not be more proud of Zachary. He had swim lessons the last 2 weeks and he attacked each lesson with gusto. He was so eager to learn to swim...and he did. He started the lessons rarely putting his face in the water. He is now swimming freestyle. Way to go Zach-Attack!!!!!!
With a Heart Full of Pride and Joy,
The Joyful and Tired Mom
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
To Discipline or Not? That is the Question.
Whew, today has been a rough one.
I think it's a combination of total exhaustion + excitement + no tv, but too hot to play outside + being consistently disciplined = The Perfect Storm
Zachary's behavior has been nothing short of nightmarish today. I knew it was going to be a rough one when I told him to get into the car for swim lessons and he crawled under Nate's car seat and then just stopped, on all fours, apparently too distracted to finish the task at hand...getting into his carseat. Now granted, my car isn't what I, or anyone, would call clean right now. There are legitimately a zillion things to mesmerize the eyes and mind of any child under 10 (or put me on 'The Secret Life of Hoarders'), but seriously...he did not make it into his carseat without me becoming that crazy mother everyone in the neighborhood judges for always yelling at her kids outside! I hate being that mom. Because I know from the judgment I pass on other's that that type of mom has lost total control of her kids.
After the car seat incident Zachary went to swim lessons. Now, in his defense, he has had a fabulous 2 weeks. My heart has been filled with pride and joy more times than I can count. And the success and confidence he has exhibited in the pool has brought me nearly to tears. My child can swim. He can swim!
However, today was not his best day.
As I watched him only listen to his teacher 1/2 of the time I was faced with a really difficult decision...atleast for me. Do I give him his reward for listening some? Or discipline his behavior for not listening some? After talking with the teacher, and praying, I decided he wouldn't get his reward. I needed to discipline him for not doing what was asked of him.
Ugh. It was so hard. My heart was literally aching that I didn't reward him for when he did do well. It broke my heart to not give him something that would have been special for him. And it broke my heart to tell him that his behavior was wrong.
But I realize, I discipline him because I love him. Because if I don't discipline the small things now, how on earth will I ever be able to discipline him and establish boundaries when he is 15 and thinks I am certifiably crazy and he knows everything. I have to discipline him now because I know the man I want him to become. So each discipline decision we make isn't about changing his behavior for the next five minutes; it's about building into him the charcater, self-control and integrity I want him to exude as a child, young adult, student, friend, husband, parent, and child of God.
But oh my gosh, it is hard and painful to discipline the ones you love...even when it is in their best interest (and the best interest of your sanity).
It reminds me of the scripture verses in Hebrews 12:4-6, 10-11.
And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
God disciplines us because he loves us. I feel as though this is where I connect with God as a parent more and more. Each time I discipline my children and it is painful for me, I think of how painful it must be for the Lord to discipline us. But He does it because it is in our best interest. And that is how I have to see disciplining my children. It is in their best interest, and I do it because of the unwavering and immense love I have for them and the hope I have for their future.
Moving on to Time-Out #5,
The Joyful and Tired Mom
I think it's a combination of total exhaustion + excitement + no tv, but too hot to play outside + being consistently disciplined = The Perfect Storm
Zachary's behavior has been nothing short of nightmarish today. I knew it was going to be a rough one when I told him to get into the car for swim lessons and he crawled under Nate's car seat and then just stopped, on all fours, apparently too distracted to finish the task at hand...getting into his carseat. Now granted, my car isn't what I, or anyone, would call clean right now. There are legitimately a zillion things to mesmerize the eyes and mind of any child under 10 (or put me on 'The Secret Life of Hoarders'), but seriously...he did not make it into his carseat without me becoming that crazy mother everyone in the neighborhood judges for always yelling at her kids outside! I hate being that mom. Because I know from the judgment I pass on other's that that type of mom has lost total control of her kids.
After the car seat incident Zachary went to swim lessons. Now, in his defense, he has had a fabulous 2 weeks. My heart has been filled with pride and joy more times than I can count. And the success and confidence he has exhibited in the pool has brought me nearly to tears. My child can swim. He can swim!
However, today was not his best day.
As I watched him only listen to his teacher 1/2 of the time I was faced with a really difficult decision...atleast for me. Do I give him his reward for listening some? Or discipline his behavior for not listening some? After talking with the teacher, and praying, I decided he wouldn't get his reward. I needed to discipline him for not doing what was asked of him.
Ugh. It was so hard. My heart was literally aching that I didn't reward him for when he did do well. It broke my heart to not give him something that would have been special for him. And it broke my heart to tell him that his behavior was wrong.
But I realize, I discipline him because I love him. Because if I don't discipline the small things now, how on earth will I ever be able to discipline him and establish boundaries when he is 15 and thinks I am certifiably crazy and he knows everything. I have to discipline him now because I know the man I want him to become. So each discipline decision we make isn't about changing his behavior for the next five minutes; it's about building into him the charcater, self-control and integrity I want him to exude as a child, young adult, student, friend, husband, parent, and child of God.
But oh my gosh, it is hard and painful to discipline the ones you love...even when it is in their best interest (and the best interest of your sanity).
It reminds me of the scripture verses in Hebrews 12:4-6, 10-11.
And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
God disciplines us because he loves us. I feel as though this is where I connect with God as a parent more and more. Each time I discipline my children and it is painful for me, I think of how painful it must be for the Lord to discipline us. But He does it because it is in our best interest. And that is how I have to see disciplining my children. It is in their best interest, and I do it because of the unwavering and immense love I have for them and the hope I have for their future.
Moving on to Time-Out #5,
The Joyful and Tired Mom
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