The Beloved/Dreaded Participation Trophy: One Mom's Journey to the Other Side

As a one time believer in the Participation Trophy, I could not let my thoughts linger in response to Pittburgh Steeler, James Harrison making his sons return their participation trophy at the end of a season.

"While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy,” Harrison captioned a photo of his sons’ student-athlete trophies. “I’m not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best. Cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better...not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy.”

Now I must confess that had I read this one month ago I would have put my self-righteous/defensive boxing gloves on and come out swinging. And here is why:

From the time my sons starting playing sports, it was evident that they would never be winning a trophy for being the best at anything. Athleticism isn't their greatest strength. And that is ok. I repeat, that is ok. However, we live in a world where we glorify athletes starting at a very early age. As young as 7 my oldest son was coming home and saying, "Everyone respects (said child) and thinks he's cool just because he's good at sports. For no other reason than he's good at sports!" He couldn't understand or justify in his mind why his peers would hold someone at a higher level of esteem simply because they were more coordinated on a sports field. It is just the way our world operates at this time. I can't explain it. I don't understand it. I don't necessarily like it. But it is what it is; and so as a parent of children that aren't always celebrated for their brilliant minds by our world, I wanted my boys to experience a piece of that thrill of receiving a trophy. And how were they ever going to get that trophy? Simply put...a participation trophy.

It was the only way we could ever foresee our children getting a trophy, when the  thrill of getting and displaying a trophy is still magical.

However...

I am now singing a very different tune. VERY DIFFERENT. And I never, in my wildest dreams, saw this change of tune coming.



A few weeks ago all three of my boys finished their first summer of competitive swim team. To say it was a phenomenal season would be the understatement of the year. It wasn't phenomenal because my boys were the best. Refer to my earlier statement...athleticism isn't their greatest strength. What made it so incredible was the enjoyment they found in swimming. The went to every practice, every morning, without complaint. They tried their best each meet, and loved when they were able to see their times improve. They felt frustration, and tears were shed, but they were never so discouraged that they wanted to quit. The meets lasted 3+ hours, sometimes twice a week, and they were always excited to go and compete.  They made wonderful friends on the team that they cheered on, and cheered them on from the sidelines.
 It was glorious!
So I was really looking forward to the awards banquet when I learned that they were not going to bring home a participation trophy, but rather, a plaque with their name on it! Such a fun reminder of all of their hard work! A beautiful participation plaque.


At the awards banquet they were awarding the Most Valuable swimming awards to those that scored the most points for the team. It was exciting to see the joy and accomplishment written all over the kids faces that won. And then came the time to hand out the Most Improved awards.
Never in my wildest dreams...Nate won Most Improved for 6 and under. And then Zachary, our sweet, kindhearted, bright child was awarded the Most Improved Swimmer for the 9-10 age group. Let me repeat...NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS did I foresee a child of mine earning a trophy for any athletic achievement. I am not trying to be cruel. I'm just being honest.


And as Zachary walked back to us after receiving his award, and our hearts were ready to burst with pride and joy, he says,

"I earned this!
This isn't a participation trophy!
I actually earned it!"

Out of the mouths of babes.  

In my hope for our children to have a trophy, no matter what kind it was, I had never considered that they may care about how the trophy came to be in their hands. I didn't think it would matter to them, as long as they had something. But that isn't the case. My 10 year old taught me that day that it DOES matter how the trophy becomes yours. I always thought that a trophy was a trophy. What Zachary taught me that day though was that true pride in your accomplishments comes from earning your reward. He saw the value of true hard work...and he loved it. He loves knowing that he worked so hard for something, and was acknowledged and rewarded for his hard work.

And so as a former die hard believer in the participation trophy, I recant my position. I firmly believe that our children want to be rewarded for a job well done, not for signing up to be a member of the team.

Still Learning about this Parenting Thing,

The Joyful and Tired Mom

Punching Fear in the Face

I have had writing something, anything, on my heart and mind for over a month now. That stirring inside that won't settle until I get something onto this daggoned blog! But as I have pondered what to write there are too many things I want to talk about: all of the crazy transitions our family has been going through over the last 4 months, the fears that have settled around my soul about how these transitions are impacting our sweet children, or how one of my sweet children isn't so sweet with me, and I fear this is an ugly glimpse into my future with him. Like...we always joke with my mom that when she gets older and wants to move in with us, we'll make room for her in our crawl space...or if it happened now, her crawlspace. And this is clearly a stupid joke we make, but Nate would say it and mean it with me. When I'm 99 he'll just hand me a broom stick that I can slam against the ceiling when I need a glass of water. 

I do believe my Nate blog is a blog for another day. I don't won't to weep on top of my computer keyboard today. 

But these transitions, whoa buddy.

 We knew this was going to be a season of change. And each step of the way, each difficult decision that Mark and I have made as a team has not been easy. 

We moved out of our home and out of our school district.

Moved into my parents' home.

Our boys are switching schools.

Mark switched jobs.

And I went back to work after not working out of the home in 10 1/2 years.

All in the last 4 months.

But with each step we take we know, that we know, that we know, we are stepping in the right direction for our family. And so each step of the way I have been speaking Jon Acuff's beautiful and poetic words of encouragement in my mind, "I am punching fear in the face." 

I am such a visual person. So each day I wake up I envision that Fear is this horrifyingly terrible and fierce monster that is after me, trying to hold me back, plant enough doubts in my mind to turn me around and go in the opposite direction of change. And when this ferocious beast comes after me, I visualize myself punching Fear in the face, smiling, shuffling around this ugly beast as he is laid out on the floor, and confidently moving forward toward change.

Because what Mark and I know, what we are living daily, and learning moment by moment, is that change and growth is hard. It's scary. You question decisions you make a million times each hour. But just because it is hard does not mean it is bad or wrong. It's just hard. And hard does not mean that there is an absence of God's blessing. We have experienced God's blessings and faithfulness and goodness in more ways than we can comprehend during this crazy season of change. God has been, and will continue to be, our constant, no matter where He leads us.
And as for waiting to see where He takes us...well, we are still waiting. And that's the hardest part. For a planner like me though, it isn't a bad thing. It is just a constant reminder of who we truly need to rely on to lead us.
As we wait though, it will be with gladness because of the joy we have experienced living with my parents. Although this is a season of immense change, it is a season that will be seared into the heart's and mind's of our beautiful children forever. In their minds, there is nothing greater in this world than being with Nanna and PopPop.

Waiting and Trusting,
The Joyful and Tired Mom

"This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
-Joshua 1:9