Merry Christmas from the Allens 2014

Merry Christmas!!!!!

What a wild and wonderful year!

Zachary: 2014 was a very transformative year for Zachary physically, mentally, emotionally, and academically. He has grown several inches this year and is close to surpassing his grandmothers in height. He no longer has braces. He now wears glasses. He is mastering new concepts in math and writing; and becoming quite the little swimmer. The truth of this year is that we have invested a lot of time and energy into Zachary’s needs, as there have been many. So one day Mark and I will be able to lovingly say to him, “”Sorry Zachary, we don’t have a college fund set up for you; but we got you through 3^rd grade! Woohoo!!!”

Drew: 2014 has revealed a lot about our not-forgotten middle child. He, too, loves all things related to school and learning. Mark and I are so thankful! He especially loves math, reading, and anything that allows him to be creative. He can sit for hours on a project to give to others. He is just so thoughtful! He has also mastered the “art” of whining and complaining. An example of our day at Disney (the happiest place on earth) this past winter: He complained about the weather, being thirsty, not buying enough souvenirs, Mickey’s ears being too big, everyone eating ice cream but him, why does he have to walk at Disney, why does he have to stand in line at Disney, why is the sun so hot AND why can’t he look at it, his feet hurt, now his legs, etc.
He takes the responsibility and job of complaining very seriously, and no one, I assure you, absolutely no one, does it better.

Nate: Well last year we wrote about him trying to kill me.  The same is true this year. He has yet to be successful, but the year isn’t over yet. Nate is becoming much more articulate in his speech. He is coming out of his shell more and more every day. It’s been extremely fun to watch him grow this past year. If truth be told though, Nate is not mastering concepts like letters and numbers in school. However, and I don’t mean to brag, he is mastering the ability to play “hard-to-get” with anyone who wants his attention…much to my mother’s dismay.

Lindsey and Mark: Surviving and thriving through the daily challenges and triumphs of raising 3 incredible young men.

We have so much to be thankful for: our incredible family, our dear friends, our health, the laughter that fills our home and our lives, and that Nate has not mastered his fine motor skills and cannot intentionally give us the finger just yet.

Each day Mark and I recognize and acknowledge how richly blessed we are. We are so thankful for this beautiful life we get to live this side of heaven.  We are truly so very thankful. We are grateful that Jesus has called us his own and we get to know Him and love Him, and most importantly, be loved BY Him both now and forevermore.
In closing I would like to leave you with one of my most favorite pieces of history and lyrics written long ago.

~Christmas Day, 1864. With the Civil War still raging, his heart heavy in the wake of his wife’s death, and his oldest son’s severe battle wounds, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow penned these words, “And in despair I bowed my head. There is no peace on earth I said. For hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will to men. Then pealed the bells more loud and deep, God is not dead, nor doth He sleep! The wrong shall fail, the right prevail, with peace on earth, good will to man. God is not dead indeed. To the contrary, unto us a child is born. Unto us a Son is given. Let the bells of praise ring loud!”~

Much love, peace, joy, and hope for 2015,
Mark, Lindsey, Zachary, Drew, and Nate

When Joy and Pain Meet

Nothing in this life prepares you to be a parent. Nothing. I am convinced of this, because each new day opens your eyes to joys you never knew existed, or depths of pain you never believed you could experience. I have one foot in each world today. Joy...because this summer our family has made new friends, been intentional about time together, and enjoyed each other and each day to the fullest, making amazing memories along the way. Pain...because we are seeing the ugliness of bullying with kids that we welcomed into our home and into our lives for years. This place of pain and sadness is where I sit today...and it sucks. I wish I could be more eloquent about it, but that's the bottom line. It. Sucks.
One of my boys is actively being ignored by kids in our neighborhood. They run and hide when they see him. They think it's funny. He, by the grace of God, is unaware. I, on the other hand, am not. My heart is shattering into a million pieces as I watch it happen in front of my eyes. They don't even hide their meanness anymore in front of adults.
So last night, Mark and I sat down over a wonderful glass of red wine...I should have poured a goblet...to talk about this awfulness called "Bullying." I needed perspective. I felt like I was being swallowed up by anger and sadness; and I know that isn't where my God is leading me, so I wanted help getting out of this pit.
As the conversation progressed, my own wounds, from decades ago, were opening again as I recounting my own stories of being bullied, the shame and embarrassment I still feel because of what people did or said.
- Asking a boy to "go with" me and having him tell me he would give me the answer at recess. So while playing on the jungle gym he brought a hoard of people over with him, dodge ball in hand, and yelled, "I would never go out with you bitch!" And then he threw the ball at my head, hit my head, and it bounced off the jungle gym (my head, not the ball).
- Drinking water out of the water fountain and having a boy come up behind me and say directly into my ear, "hey Chunk." When I turned around quickly, he said, "See, look! She responds to her name!"
- Having another kid sit at lunch and make a pig face when I ate.
- Having 2 friends run away from me as a chased them to play with me. These girls were my friends, every day, but that day, I was a target.

I am sharing snapshots of memories from times when I was hurt by others. These are isolated incidents that happened decades ago, and yet, I have allowed these moments to define pieces of me for years. And so I started to question why.
Why?! Why on earth do I still feel pain from these experiences. Or as I explained to Mark last night...

I feel no sadness or pain when I think of your affair years ago, and I was betrayed by the man I love the most in this world.  It isn't a wound that scabs over and opens from time to time.  There are reminders, but no sadness. No pain. So why do I feel like wounds from childhood hurts still aren't healed?  Why are those scabs that keep getting scratched off whenever I see more injustice done to my child, or someone else's sweet baby, still plaguing me!?

Mark thought about it for a moment and just said, "Lindsey, I bet I could ask my 92 year old patients if they were ever bullied; and they would remember the names of people and what they said to them. I'm not sure those wounds ever heal."

But I don't think I believe that. God heals, God redeems, God reconciles. He has done it in my own life in mighty, mighty ways. So I don't believe he would leave people hanging to heal their own childhood hurts, or to just "deal with it", all the days of their lives. 

So how do we move past our childhood hurts and start guiding our children to the place where they can love their enemies, and handle mean kids with dignity and empowerment?

I would love your thoughts. I'm not searching for cliché's. And I know this is somehow character building. But I do want some truth to sink my teeth into while I try not to wallow in my own sadness and disappointment and hurt.

Life is Messy and Beautiful and my Youngest is Screaming,
The Joyful and Tired Mom

Be Bold

I loved our sermon today at church. So if you have time to read Acts 3-4, I would encourage you to do that. The scripture reading was in regards to Peter and the disciples being told to stop preaching Jesus. And they basically told the religious leaders and government officials that they could not stop testifying to what they had seen and heard. The sermon was about being bold.

Here were a few thoughts that I was frantically writing down:

1) If you were on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
2) Be Bold in your faith! But boldness is not something we can manufacture and fake. So then how do we become bold?
     *Keep company with Christ. What has your encounter been with the Risen Christ?  And when days get hard, and nights are long, and faith feels like climbing a really difficult mountain that has no end in sight...do what the Israelites didn't do over and over again, REMEMBER your encounter with the Risen Christ. REMEMBER.
     *Lean on the Power of the Holy Spirit. We have the Spirit of God IN us! I mean, if we grasped the magnitude of that truth, who or what would we fear!?

Christ's disciples had a desire for others to know him.
A great story our pastor told today was about an old member of our congregation, David Chan. (Side note, love him. He was a cardiologist at Children's Hospital and performed heart surgery on my brother, and helped us with Zachary when he was an infant and his legs kept turning blue. So yes, I have a heart full of love and gratitude for David Chan. And he loves Jesus. But I digress.) Something David said years ago was, "If Meijer were selling prime rib for $3/lb we would be telling EVERYONE we knew about this awesome sale! Why are we not doing that with Jesus."
Jesus' disciples wanted others to know who Jesus was; they wanted others to have an encounter with the Risen Christ as well.  And I know you have that desire too!
So continue to give of yourself to others, for Jesus. Pray boldly and with confidence. And be bold, for the Lord is with you wherever you go.

Mediocre Mom to the Rescue

Tomorrow is the day! It's the Valentine's Day Party for each of my boys.
Fortunately for 2 of them, their teachers are blessing me with the gift of NOT creating a box to put their cards in; but instead, the kids are decorating bags in class for the party.  Unfortunately, that isn't the case for my 2nd grader. So today I woke up in a semi-panic because I was convinced I would most likely forget to make/send in this dumb box. While surfing pinterest I saw these awesome/spectactular/ridiculously over-achieving boxes that kids and/or parents made.

 

Beautiful, right!? To the parents who clearly made these boxes, I hate you.

This is what I spent my morning making for Zachary.

 

 

Impressed?!

Oh my gosh, I am so embarrassed for him! First, I walk outside to watch the bus go by in my bathrobe, and now this! I am not doing this child any favors. For goodness sake, the kid's picture playing basketball isn't even HIM! I am so failing at this parenting thing. It's pathetic.

 

Considering Changing the Title of My Blog to,

The Joyful, Tired, and Mediocre Mom

 

3 Minutes Worth Celebrating

I just needed to take a moment to celebrate with the 7 people that will read this blog. I was a great parent for a solid 3 minutes last week. I mean, like, knocked it out of the ballpark parenting.
We have had endless days trapped inside. The bitter wind chill makes it impossible for the kids to play outside in the snow. And when the wind chill isn't frigid, my laziness keeps us trapped indoors.
We are all bored and our brains are turning to mush.  If it weren't for Minecraft I am not sure what we would all be doing. Thank you creators of Minecraft for making the winter of 2014 tolerable.
Anyways, I had had it with video games and fighting and whining and bickering. So last week I turned off the tv, turned on Pandora, got out the art supplies, and Nate and I painted together. It was quiet. It was peaceful. Nate and I both had an awesome time doing something together. And it was quiet...did I already say that?

But the funniest part of the entire 3 minutes was while I was sitting back and taking it all in, and enjoying the joy of that moment, the "Hallelujah Chorus" started playing on the radio. I kid you not! "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Ha-lle-lu-jah!" It was as though even the angels in heaven were rejoicing that I wasn't phoning in my parental duties again.

Basking in a Great Parenting Moment till it happens again in June,
The Joyful and Tired Mom

The Irony

This is a follow-up to yesterday's blog about allowing our boys to play, be adventurous, take risks. Then I thought of moments of our life in pictures and had to laugh. I am so fearful of my children getting hurt, and I want to protect them from pain; which is why I struggle to let them play hard and rough all the days of their lives.
But the irony is that none of these things happened while living dangerously.

 

 

Was pushed out of the chair by his cousin. He fell to the floor, leg stayed stuck in the slats of the chair.

 

Came up to us and said he fell down the steps. No one heard or saw a thing.  Within 5 minutes he had stopped bearing all weight. Pediatrician called the squad and he was taken to Children's Hospital and was in this brace, 100% of the time for weeks.

 

Nothing crazy in here. Had his thumb slammed in the door.

We don't even need to live dangerously to have a wing at Children's named after us! Not really, but we feel like we pay enough that we should at least get a plaque hung on their wall.

 

Hopefully no more casts!
The Joyful and Tired Mom



I DID IT

I did it! I did it! I did it! I don't really need the accolades, but if you feel led, a congratulations would be wonderful.
What did I do? Oh nothing really. Just something a tad short of miraculous.
I ate my weight in chocolate. Yes I did. I ate chocolate as a way to eat my feelings. It's pretty phenomenal actually. And I will ride this sugar high until Mark gets home; then I will crash and lock myself in the room to watch Dr. Phil and eat more chocolate!
At the rate we are going with our 75th day off of school and crazy winter weather, I will never have to concern myself with bathing suit season again. Bring on the Blizzards! And by blizzards, I mean Dairy Queen's chocolate brownie extreme blizzard with extra chocolate crunch, not more snow.

Surviving another day,

The Joyful and Tired Mom

 

12.5% OF THE TIME I TOTALLY NAIL IT

I'm a good mom, I would say, about 13% of the time. And that's on the high end.
I always love and care for my boys. I always show them affection. We play board games and card games all the time. I even do their laundry....but I don't put it away, so I'm a good mom about 12% of the time.
What makes a good mom in my eyes? I celebrate who I am as a mom when I let me boys do something totally crazy, risky, adventurous, and well, all boy.
As we have been trapped in the house because of the 15th polar vortex we are experiencing, and watched more tv than I will ever admit to, I started thinking of how boring and lifeless life would be if my kids continued to just watch tv and play video games all the days of their lives. And I started thinking about this because that would be my tendency. Because for them to truly live and experience life there is some degree of risk and danger involved. And as I reflected on my highlight real of a mom, all of my best moments full of pride and joy and excitement were also married to fear and uncertainty. But I don't want to take these precious moments away. I don't want to rob my boys of adventure and fun because I am afraid of the million "what-ifs" that are out there.
I am not saying to allow them to live foolishly, just because. Or to allow any and all things. But my goal, my hope, my prayer actually, is that when spring comes and we can stand outside without frostbite setting in, I want to let my boys be boys. I want them to run and climb trees and have epic battles of some sort with their friends. I don't want to rob them of growing into men because I am afraid.
Any life worth living involves risks. And I want them to experience life, risks, adventures, and all.
And now, my 2 second highlight real of my boys LIVING! Truly, they came alive in these moments, you could see it written on their faces.  Such pride and joy!

 

 

 

Told ya the highlight real was short, but...our adventures are just beginning.

Walking the line between joy and fear,

The Joyful and Tired Mom

 

Certifiably Insane

I am. I mean, I have known this for a long time. The writing has been on the wall for awhile. In May I saw the insanity become fruitful and multiply when we had 12 1st graders spend the night for Zachary's birthday. 12. But you know, the night was fun because we were able to play outside. And by "we", I mean Mark was able to play outside and be the bad guy in a rousing game of glow stick tag.
But today, while the blizzard is bearing down on us, and we are all trapped inside, and the snow isn't good playing snow, I have 6 boys over. 6 wild, wonderful, Nerf gun loving boys that are having "EPIC" battles together. I love it. I love the noise. I love that they are all having fun. I love that other mama's get a little break. However, I am insane. And I swear, if one more child spies on me in my bedroom and shoots an arrow at my head while I put on mascara, I may scream. Silently, or over a text message (AAAAAH!), but I will most certainly scream.
It is pretty awesome though. I love these well-behaved boys that are here. They bring out the best in my boys. Their joy is contagious. And their laughter makes me smile from ear to ear.
But let it be known...if you stop by our home today, it will be a mess, and I will not explain it away. I am embracing the crazy today. And tonight I will turn on a movie, pop popcorn, and not feel bad that my kids are zoning out in front of the tv for a few hours. And I will have some much needed alone time.

How are you spending your time stuck inside?

Much love and Chaos,

The Joyful and Tired and Insane Mom