Is it just me, or will your kids be in therapy too?

My poor, poor children. A few years ago there was a dad Mark and I were having a conversation with and, God love him, he says, "I just don't want to do anything that is going to mess them up. I just want to do it right, you know?" My response, "Oh, my kids will one day be in therapy and it will somehow be my fault." Hmmmm? Just had an epiphany...maybe that's why this gentleman and his family never wanted to hang out with us again. He was trying to be serious, and I scoffed at his concerns and fears with this attitude of, "Please dude, screwing them up is inevitable. Kinda part of our job description." Anyway...today was a day that I am confident will go down in Drew's book of 'memories of mom.' And truthfully, I will be so sad if today is part of my legacy. I want to be remembered for loving people deeply, making people feel welcomed and cared for, loving my children well, loving my husband well, and having thighs that don't touch. But today, yes today, will be the day that will be etched in Drew's memory for sure. Daggone it! What you need to know about me before I tell my short story...I am not a cryer. I know! I know! For those who knew me in high school and college you can pick your jaws up off the floor and stop calling me a liar. A lot has changed since then...thank Jesus. Can I get an Amen?! So with not being a cryer per se, my outlet when I am overwhelmed is to be frustrated, angry,or to get very silent, start focusing and getting angry about things that don't even effect me, (like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Still so angry she is pregnant. And as I vented to my mom she lovingly consoled me by saying, "I understand why this is so upsetting to you since you are around them daily. It really does impact your life." Ha. Ha. Mom.) Oh, I also confess that I will swear at times too. Those are definitely not shining moments for me, but it happens. My go to when I am overwhelmed is more anger, frustration, withdrawing, and chocolate...lots and lots of chocolate. So today, the day that will live in infamy with my children, I totally lost it. And my boys had no idea what to do, so everyone just stared at me. The morning was only slightly more crazy than a typical morning. I did shower and brush my teeth and get ready which took some time, and maybe that's why things were more rushed than normal (reason #156 why I don't shower in the morning, or every day, or brush my teeth for that matter-it's ok, you can judge me). But today, after feeling rushed all morning, and trying to get out of the house with a lot of coaxing on my part: Nate fell, Drew wouldn't help me carry a few of the things I was carrying so I could hold Nate and comfort him, while carrying a baby seat into New Hope, and out of nowhere I lost it. I mean, looooost it. I started sobbing, heavily, into my hands, while Nate, Drew, and the 2 children I babysit just stared in disbelief at me. A sweet woman from the church came over to help me and I couldn't turn the tears off. And she just kept gently saying to me, "Oh no no sweetheart, don't do that. Don't do that." I was even freaking her out. Who is this nutjob with 4 kids standing at the front door of a church losing it!? IT WAS ME! I was so embarrassed. As the tears were pouring down my face someone else says, "One of those mornings?" As a parent you know what "one of those mornings" is. But all I could say while pointing to my tear stained face, while still crying, was, "I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with this. I am not a cryer. I'm not. This is ridiculous." By the time I stopped crying, my boys had lost all respect for me, and all my make-up had washed off my face. And to be honest, I am not sure which upsets me more! Probably losing my make-up. So tonight I am trying to salvage my dignity with my children. Earn, maybe, an ounce of respect back. Avoid chocolate at all costs. And not let Kim and Kanye ruin another night for me. The Joyful, Tired, and Tearstained Mom, Lindsey