Punching Fear in the Face

I have had writing something, anything, on my heart and mind for over a month now. That stirring inside that won't settle until I get something onto this daggoned blog! But as I have pondered what to write there are too many things I want to talk about: all of the crazy transitions our family has been going through over the last 4 months, the fears that have settled around my soul about how these transitions are impacting our sweet children, or how one of my sweet children isn't so sweet with me, and I fear this is an ugly glimpse into my future with him. Like...we always joke with my mom that when she gets older and wants to move in with us, we'll make room for her in our crawl space...or if it happened now, her crawlspace. And this is clearly a stupid joke we make, but Nate would say it and mean it with me. When I'm 99 he'll just hand me a broom stick that I can slam against the ceiling when I need a glass of water. 

I do believe my Nate blog is a blog for another day. I don't won't to weep on top of my computer keyboard today. 

But these transitions, whoa buddy.

 We knew this was going to be a season of change. And each step of the way, each difficult decision that Mark and I have made as a team has not been easy. 

We moved out of our home and out of our school district.

Moved into my parents' home.

Our boys are switching schools.

Mark switched jobs.

And I went back to work after not working out of the home in 10 1/2 years.

All in the last 4 months.

But with each step we take we know, that we know, that we know, we are stepping in the right direction for our family. And so each step of the way I have been speaking Jon Acuff's beautiful and poetic words of encouragement in my mind, "I am punching fear in the face." 

I am such a visual person. So each day I wake up I envision that Fear is this horrifyingly terrible and fierce monster that is after me, trying to hold me back, plant enough doubts in my mind to turn me around and go in the opposite direction of change. And when this ferocious beast comes after me, I visualize myself punching Fear in the face, smiling, shuffling around this ugly beast as he is laid out on the floor, and confidently moving forward toward change.

Because what Mark and I know, what we are living daily, and learning moment by moment, is that change and growth is hard. It's scary. You question decisions you make a million times each hour. But just because it is hard does not mean it is bad or wrong. It's just hard. And hard does not mean that there is an absence of God's blessing. We have experienced God's blessings and faithfulness and goodness in more ways than we can comprehend during this crazy season of change. God has been, and will continue to be, our constant, no matter where He leads us.
And as for waiting to see where He takes us...well, we are still waiting. And that's the hardest part. For a planner like me though, it isn't a bad thing. It is just a constant reminder of who we truly need to rely on to lead us.
As we wait though, it will be with gladness because of the joy we have experienced living with my parents. Although this is a season of immense change, it is a season that will be seared into the heart's and mind's of our beautiful children forever. In their minds, there is nothing greater in this world than being with Nanna and PopPop.

Waiting and Trusting,
The Joyful and Tired Mom

"This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
-Joshua 1:9