Loyal, Faithful, True

The other day I called one of my very best friends in the world. You know that friend: loyal, faithful, true, and able to speak truth into your life that pierces your heart. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by many women that lovingly point me in the direction of Jesus, many times, without speaking. But on occassion one of them will speak words of care, concern, love, compassion, and wisdom in my life that leads me to nearly dissolve into a puddle while driving down Polaris Parkway, and having many drivers think I am a crazy person behind the wheel. Tears, lots of snot...the good stuff, you know? I was sharing with my friend why this new business venture that my husband and I are involved in is difficult for me. Although we are working with health and wellness professionals, and it is good, I still feel very threatened because of mine and Mark's past. And although God has healed our marriage, and forgiveness reigns in our lives, there are triggers for me that bring back old fears, old insecurities that I thought had moved out of my mind...but have moved right back in the first chance they had. So I was just feeling everything really deeply this past weekend. Feeling threatened. Feeling sad. Feeling angry. Feeling scared. Feeling sorry for myself. And what my friend said was just beautiful. She said at church that day their pastor spoke something that hit her so hard, and spoke so loudly to her, and that it could speak to me. "Lindsey, Satan is the great accuser. He wants to accuse you of everything. You aren't good enough. You are a bad stay at home mom (Anyone who has ever been asked the dreaded, "how many hours of tv does your child watch in a day?" by their pediatrician understands that feeling of failure...um, 6 hours, before noon.) You aren't reading to your kids enough. You aren't playing with them enough. They aren't doing enough crafts. You aren't exposing them to enough things. You aren't a great wife. Your house is unorganized and messy. Your 7 month old puppy still craps all over the house...your fault. You are fat. All people will ever see in you is your belly. You aren't friends with some people because you just aren't cool enough. You will flounder forever trying to find your purpose. Etc. When you focus on these things, it takes your eyes off of the cross. Jesus has set you free from all of these accusations. And Satan just wants to remind you of these things every day. And the more you believe them, the less you see Jesus' love and forgiveness and acceptance." Every day I feel crushed by the weight of these accusations. And every day I put myself on trial and condemn myself...guilty! Guilty as charged. But that isn't Jesus. He doesn't want me to give these accusations a second thought. He isn't saying those things to me, the Enemy is. And every day I believe these lies to be truth. So why write this? Well, I wanted people, anyone really, to know they are loved. They are loved by their Father in heaven more than they could ever imagine. And some may not even know of this God I speak of, but He loves them still. And He loves me, more than I can possibly fathom or comprehend. The whole of His scripture tells me that. He loves me. He accepts me. As I am: blemishes, flaws, belly chubs, and messy house. He doesn't just love the good stuff. He loves all of me. And He loves all of you as well. The Joyful and Tired Mom who has been set free, Lindsey