I don't know any other way to start this blog than that. Because-Oh My Word-has my life changed and my ideas about parenthood changed now that I have 3 children. A friend and I were laughing today about the things we said or did or placed an extreme value on when our first child was born. How we wanted to strive to be perfect; and how so many things are different now that we really have to juggle life.
I thought I would share some of my favorite expectations that have slowly changed throughout the years as I have discovered what it is like to parent our children in a way that works for our family.
1) "My Child will NEVER eat fast food/french fries."
Reality: When Zachary was 2 we drove through Tim Horton's drive-thru so I could get chili. He started screaming from the backseat, "Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!" Maybe we had hit one or 100 too many drive thrus in his time.
My friend also shared with me this expectation she had as well. Now she says she practically pulls into the drive thru and orders a "Darcy"-their family's last name- (name has been changed to continue to protect the illusion that this family is still perfect).
2) "I am serious! I do not want my father-in-law to give my kids candy-ever!"
Reality: By 9:oo a.m. today I wanted to stop Drew's whining so I gave he and Zachary a sucker.
3) "When my baby cries I will immediately go to him."
Reality: When I have one child in the bathroom, another child in the bathtub, and a crying baby in his swing...the swinging baby is going to have to wait.
4) Everytime Zachary's pacifier dropped onto the floor we boiled it to disinfect it.
Reality: Now when the paci drops we just make sure to pull off the majority of our dog's hair before popping it back into his mouth.
5) Zachary can only wear Pampers or Huggies diapers.
Reality: Which off-brand has the best sale going on this week? CVS? Perfect.
6) Zachary had the best playmat with a mirror and toys hanging from the canopy.
Reality: Nate lays on the floor because, eh, he can look out the window and see a bird or two fly by.
7) "My child will NEVER watch tv!"
Reality: Dora has taught Zachary to count in spanish. Diego taught my kiddos about wildlife. Oomi Zoomi has taught them shapes and color. And Yo Gabba Gabba shows them what their brains will be like if they take drugs.
8) "Mark and I will never be one of those couples that sit in silence when we are on a date."
Reality: We love to talk and laugh, but we also savor those precious moments of silence.
9) "My child will not hit others."
Reality: We are having a really tough time because Drew hits in frustration...and sometimes...if I am being totally honest...I just don't have the energy to carry him all the way upstairs to put him in timeout. Sometimes I lazily tell him to just not do it again, and that is as good as it's going to get at times.
10) Zachary will only sleep in his crib and we will put him on a schedule right away.
Reality: We have no idea when Nate's next nap will come, nor does he sleep in his crib during the day. Shoot-today he fell asleep in the middle of the office floor and I left him there and made everyone be quiet so he could continue to sleep.
11) "My kids will wear Baby Gap all the time."
Reality: Haha. Not if we want to eat that week.
I'm sure I will add to this later. And I am sure that the moment I publish this blog I will think of a zillion other ways I thought I would raise my kids that aren't a reality in our day to day lives. But you know what reality has been the greatest discovery for me? All of my intentions were good. Some of them I have maintained through the years and it's been good for our family. However, the greatest reality for me has been the realization that I cannot be a perfect parent and neither can Mark. And even if there were such a thing as the "perfect" parent, they wouldn't raise "perfect" children, because that isn't how life works. And no matter what you do, or how much discipline is in your home, or how many books you read to your child...life can throw you a curveball and you are all of a sudden dealing with things you never imagined. And the freeing part of your day is the realization that you are not perfect and you no longer have to pretend to be. Because the most important thing is whether your child knows he is loved. If the answer to that is "yes" then it isn't going to matter if your child ate french friends or m&m's before they were 10 or not.
The Imperfect and Free,
Joyful and Tired Mom
Such wise comments from a mother who is "on target". Congratulations for taking the time to write this.. You surely have a knack for words.
ReplyDeleteLots of love, Janet
Like most of us, I was a much better mom before I had kids. Some of the areas where I am guiltiest . . . I swore I would never - co-sleep, feed baby non-organic & store-bought baby food, allow my children to watch excessive t.v., allow my children to eat food that's dropped on the floor, and allow my children to drink pop.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI. love. this. post. =) I'm only two kids into it but looking forward to three someday! You're awesome.
ReplyDeleteI think my mom had some rules like these to the effect of " I will not allow my child to eat 45 ice cream sandwiches a day and run around with half her clothes off with a chocolate ring dried around her lips" but hey, sometimes, youre just too tired of chasing your half naked kid to say no.. :) Nice insight Linds!
ReplyDeleteMy friend Jill, mother of three, has a great story about this. They had a dog in the house when their first child was born. At one point, when she could crawl over to the dog bowl, she tried to eat the dog's food. Jill and her husband were hysterical and even started making the dog eat in a separate room.
ReplyDeleteBy the third child, her response had changed - eh, it's organic dog food, how bad could it be?
This is good to read as I start off on my first... I am laughing out loud Linds.
ReplyDelete"And Yo Gabba Gabba shows them what their brains will be like if they take drugs"
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha. I missed this part the first time through. And you forgot one more. With the first one, you watch your baby climb all over the dog, pulling ears and tails, poking eyes and then yelling at the dog if they even lift their head. By the second one, you say "That dog is going to bite you." By the third one, you immediately run over and pop the baby's hand and then walk the dog to a secure place you have set up so the dog can hide from all of them.