Ramblings and Reflections

Wow-It has been a LONG time!
I kept holding off on writing because, to be honest, I really didn't have much of anything to say. I mean...I always have things to say to anyone who is willing to listen. But I don't think that many people would want to read my ramblings as I try to process what I have been learning in the last month about myself, about my faith, and about parenting our children.
Also, there are so many things I do want to share about me and Mark, but out of respect for him and what he is comfortable with, I don't want to share much in that department either. What I can tell you though is that we are getting ready to embark on one of our greaest adventures...and challenges...together in our marriage, and I can't wait. Next week we meet with a coordinator for the Marriage and Family Department at our church to potentially become marriage mentors for couples in crisis. We are both thrilled and honored for this opportunity to walk alongside couples that are hurting, and offer encouragement and hope in their time of despair. But we are also keenly aware that it is going to be difficult to not internalize other's pain and make it our own. We are ready...rather, God has prepared us and made us ready, but please pray for us.
I have also been reflecting on contentment and insecurity in my life. I have definitely struggled with self-defeating thoughts when it comes to my body. As a former college athlete it is still hard at times to look in the mirror and not see the body I once had when I was working out 6-7 days a week, a few hours each day. And in my mind I kept thinking that if I could just regain something that resembled what I once had then I would be happy. But it has recently occurred to me that even if I did look the exact way I looked 10 years ago I would still not be happy...there would be someone else that had a better figure, another image I would try to aspire to emmulate. How do I know this? Because even when I was in the greatest shape of my life, I wasn't content with who I was. Unless I get control of this beast inside my head that tells me I am not good enough, or of much value, or attractive enough, nothing will be good enough-not the number on the scale, not the size of my pants, nothing.
Self-reflection is always awesome, isn't it? HA. In all seriousness though, it has been amazing. I am learning a lot. And I am grateful. In the quieter moments I will get a gentle nudge from God painting a very clear picture of what my desires are for our family, and how we are going to get there. And there is peace and excitement in that. I love knowing I have a purpose on this earth.
The other day I had such a strong need to write down what my desires are for our family. Those desires are now posted on our refrigerator (best place for them since I spend much of my day at the fridge). I would encourage others to do the same. Catch a vision. Make it a vision that thinks beyond yourself, beyond your insecurities, beyond the obstacles you believe could stand in your way, and go for. Live this amazing life you have been given and don't let anyone or anything hold you back.
The Reflective,
Joyful and Tired Mom