Blurred Line

I read a recent blog that is making it's rounds on facebook in regards to the VMA's this past weekend. Not sure if you have heard anything about this up and comer Miley Cyrus, but apparently her performance was quite racy. Ha. This particular blogger, Matt Walsh, wrote a letter to his young son about what it means to be a man, a husband, a father. And instead of focusing on this young 20 year old still trying to find her place in the sordid world of pop music, he called out Robin Thicke. He called out the 36 year old, married father for bumping and grinding against the arse of a 20 year old. And truly, our conversations around the watercooler and social media shouldn't solely be focused on Miley Cyrus' twerking and her disgusting, raunchy, tongue (p.s. who told her that was cute anyway, or hot?). I loved his post. Loved his letter. Loved almost everything about it. But one thing really resonated with me after reading his blog. What stuck with me was a comment left by a girl, Maci, and her defense of Robin Thicke. It saddens me greatly that as women we all aren't outraged that the degredation of our sex is placed on a pedestal and glamorized. Is this what we have been hoping for in our world? A world where we are not seen as one, equal, deserving of respect and care. I, for one, think that too many of us have bought into the lie for too long; and we need to start standing for something greater than our bodies, our sexuality, our "choice". It's appauling to me. And the sad thing is, men haven't done this to us, we have done it to ourselves. We have willingly embraced the lies of our culture that tell us it is ok to be degraded to such a degree. But we don't mindlessly, or even skeptically go along with mainstream ideas. We embrace it! We seek it out! We celebrate it! It's disgusting. And as a young woman, I am sad. Just saddened by our society as a whole, for what we excuse, embrace, defend, and celebrate. I am tired of having people defend bumping, grinding, twerking, and being overtly sexual, and calling it "art". Or calling someone a "creative/musical genius." I could take a dump in a cup and throw it against my neighbor's mailbox and call it art. It doesn't mean I should. See, I think this is a valuable lesson we are not teaching the younger generations. Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD. There is wisdom in discernment and self-control. So while I am upset, not with Miley, but with our society as a whole...I will remember that when the day comes when my boys cannot be protected from all of the smut that is accessible to them anywhere, it is my job as their parent to teach them about discipline, self-control, wanting more than what this shallow world has to offer them, that there is a right, and there is a wrong. There isn't always a "blurred line."

Not Sure This is What God Intended for My Day of Rest

I'm going to be honest, real honest...and just admit that I have been beyond cranky these past 3 days. Like, inexcusably cranky. My kids just started school. so you would think I would be on cloud nine, right?! Well, I was, Wednesday-Friday...and then we had to have a weekend. I'm sorry, but I laughed my big rear end off the other day reading Jen Hatmaker's blog about her kids going back to school. She was so honest, and so real, and so...what is it I am trying to say? She was just done. Done with the fighting. Done with the whining. Done with the boredom. Done with her kids being home constantly. Just done. However, the way she writes endears you to her, it doesn't make you hate her and go, "Wow-that is one sucky mom right there." No, in fact, the opposite is true! After reposting her blog, one of my best's emailed, "We should do one of her bible studies." This woman is amazing to me. She manages to basically say, "If my kids don't get out of this house soon I am going to claw my own brains out." And people respond by wanting to be her best friend, and see her as someone who genuinely loves Jesus. What the what?! So I started thinking if I had that same delightful way of approaching the stress that comes with having 3 boys under the gae of 8, 2 dogs, and a husband that works 6-7 a week. The answer came back......um, heeeeeeeeck NO! I just come off as sounding mean, grouchy, and unlikable. It's hard to make kids running around, peeing in the woods, and getting a tick on their groin sound funny! I mean, doggone it, when I can read my three old's mind and see that he wants to give me the finger, like, 80% of the time, I am downright exhausted and mad, not whitty. Good grief, I am thankful for the people around me loving me inspite of me. But just to paint an accurate picture of my attitude this week, here are a few of the wonderfully delightful things I have said to friends. 1. I don't like people right now, so view everything I say through that lens. I just don't like people. 2. I can't stand stupid people. 3. I just gave Mark the finger, and meant it. 4. I don't like them right now. I love them. I just don't like them. 5. They were not in school enough days for me to actually miss them yet, and want them home for the weekend. 6. I am so done. Done. I am done. Done with the whining. Done with the fighting. Done with Lego Batman. Done with talking about work, and finances. Done with fighting bedtime. Done. Done. Done. Done. Done. I love school. I love that my kids loooove school. I love that all 3 will be in school this week, and there will be times when my house is silent and I can clean up Lilly's pee in peace. I love my wild and crazy life, but oh my gosh, I love the sound of silence after 8 years of noise. This will be the first time when all of my kids are in school at the same time, on a consistent basis, and I am not babysitting. I feel like I am arriving at the driveway of my dreams. Not quite at the door yet. That will be when Nate is in 1st grade and in school all day. But I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I love my children. I wouldn't want them to be anyone other than who they are, but good gracious...it's exhausting to entertain people every single day. And the answer isn't as simple as, "They need to play by themselves." Boys are amazing, but they can also be total idiots. If I let them play by themselves all the time, who would be able to shout the warning, "If you do that you will break another bone!" I love my family, and I love my friends. But today, I actually loved that I got a migraine and had the excuse to come home, take a muscle relaxer to help with my muscle spasms I get with my headaches, and crawl into bed for 5 1/2 hours and sleep the day away. And I love that I just woke up, Mark has the kids out for dinner, and I am going to go back upstairs and crawl back into bed and go to sleep for the night. For those who saw me at church this morning you know full well that a day of rest was deserved. Well deserved. And I love that tomorrow starts another week of school. Zachary and Drew will love being with their friends, and learning new things. And I can go to the grocery store with only one child, and not scream about the possibility of abduction, because he will stay with me the entire time. That alone is like a dream come true! The Joyful and incredibly Tired Mom, Lindsey

Loyal, Faithful, True

The other day I called one of my very best friends in the world. You know that friend: loyal, faithful, true, and able to speak truth into your life that pierces your heart. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by many women that lovingly point me in the direction of Jesus, many times, without speaking. But on occassion one of them will speak words of care, concern, love, compassion, and wisdom in my life that leads me to nearly dissolve into a puddle while driving down Polaris Parkway, and having many drivers think I am a crazy person behind the wheel. Tears, lots of snot...the good stuff, you know? I was sharing with my friend why this new business venture that my husband and I are involved in is difficult for me. Although we are working with health and wellness professionals, and it is good, I still feel very threatened because of mine and Mark's past. And although God has healed our marriage, and forgiveness reigns in our lives, there are triggers for me that bring back old fears, old insecurities that I thought had moved out of my mind...but have moved right back in the first chance they had. So I was just feeling everything really deeply this past weekend. Feeling threatened. Feeling sad. Feeling angry. Feeling scared. Feeling sorry for myself. And what my friend said was just beautiful. She said at church that day their pastor spoke something that hit her so hard, and spoke so loudly to her, and that it could speak to me. "Lindsey, Satan is the great accuser. He wants to accuse you of everything. You aren't good enough. You are a bad stay at home mom (Anyone who has ever been asked the dreaded, "how many hours of tv does your child watch in a day?" by their pediatrician understands that feeling of failure...um, 6 hours, before noon.) You aren't reading to your kids enough. You aren't playing with them enough. They aren't doing enough crafts. You aren't exposing them to enough things. You aren't a great wife. Your house is unorganized and messy. Your 7 month old puppy still craps all over the house...your fault. You are fat. All people will ever see in you is your belly. You aren't friends with some people because you just aren't cool enough. You will flounder forever trying to find your purpose. Etc. When you focus on these things, it takes your eyes off of the cross. Jesus has set you free from all of these accusations. And Satan just wants to remind you of these things every day. And the more you believe them, the less you see Jesus' love and forgiveness and acceptance." Every day I feel crushed by the weight of these accusations. And every day I put myself on trial and condemn myself...guilty! Guilty as charged. But that isn't Jesus. He doesn't want me to give these accusations a second thought. He isn't saying those things to me, the Enemy is. And every day I believe these lies to be truth. So why write this? Well, I wanted people, anyone really, to know they are loved. They are loved by their Father in heaven more than they could ever imagine. And some may not even know of this God I speak of, but He loves them still. And He loves me, more than I can possibly fathom or comprehend. The whole of His scripture tells me that. He loves me. He accepts me. As I am: blemishes, flaws, belly chubs, and messy house. He doesn't just love the good stuff. He loves all of me. And He loves all of you as well. The Joyful and Tired Mom who has been set free, Lindsey

The Difference a Y-Chromosone Can Make

Several years ago my friend and I went to check out a bible study at church. At one point of the evening one of the women who has 2 sons says, "Boys and girls are no different from one another when they are born. We program them to be different." My dad, who has one daughter, moi, and one son says,"I do not agree at all. I can tell you from experience that boys and girls are vastly different from the moment they enter this world." I agree with my dad. Now I am not saying that there aren't girls that are rough and tumble and like to play in the dirt; or that there aren't boys out there that enjoy playing a fun game of "house" or "school" with their friends. But, in general, boys are girls are crazy different from one another. I have been babysitting 3 girls recently. Love them. They are polite, quiet, and actually feel full when eating, and remain full for several hours after a meal. The oldest girl is 4 and she will take our large blocks and build castles, using my sons pokemon dolls as princesses to be rescued (my 7 year old would have a heart attack if he knew this was happening). The girls create games to play on their own. They create imaginative games to play together. Did I mention they were quiet? Quiet. Now that is a luxury that I do not experience...ever...in our home. Ever. Boys are loud. Even as I type our 3 year old is LOUDLY whining about something fairly insignificant...like he can't get his train to turn in the right direction. Boys are easily distracted. I will spend time planning and setting up and awesome activity for them to do, and within 15 seconds (can I even give them that much credit) one of the boys is like, "Squirrel!" and the rest of the boys follow suite. Boys are gross too. They just are. While the girls I babysit play house and love babies, I had boys over the other day and the younger ones all sat in a circle and smelled their feet, laughed, and smelled their stinky feet again. I mean, are you kidding me!? No one warned me about this stuff. Having children was supposed to be nothing but sunshine and roses, and ofcourse, GAP Kids clothing. In my experience it isn't ALL sunshine and roses, and there is ZERO GAP Kids in this house. And funny as potty humor may be, there comes a point where it has to get old...or you would think. This morning our 5 year old found a DS in the car, grabbed it, and started tape recording his "sweet" little voice. You know, a recording that I can keep forever to remember how he sounded when he was sweet and innocent and always listened-ha-kidding. But this is what Mark and I heard in the back seat, "Poop poop poop. poopy poopy. Fart. I pee my pants. AAAH! Poop poop poop. poopy poopy. Fart. I pee my pants. AAAAH!" Over and over again. And because we are good parents we started laughing. Then Mark told Drew it was time to stop with the potty talk. Drew took that as his cue to whisper this new song, not yell it. Like I said, he's a good listener. It truly is just mind blowing how different boys and girls are from one another. My boys scream, scratch, punch, kick, and wrestle each other. We practically have wrestle mania in our home every afternoon. When Mark comes home from work all the boys are begging for wrestle time! There is just something hardwired in them to want and need that kind of physically aggressive play. And over the years I have grown to love and appreciate just how different my boys, and life are, from the tea parties I had envisionsed I would be having one day with my children. They are loud. They are crazy. And they make us laugh daily. I wouldn't change it. In fact, when I finally had the opportunity to play an imaginative "pet shop" game with one of the girls I babysit, I literally looked at Mark and said, "I have no idea what I am doing. I don't know how to play!" I'll stick to the farting and burping and wrestling. And I have to tell you, that even as I type, the elementary kids are getting off of the bus and walking through our yard. As I look out the window the girls are walking side by side, deep in conversation. And there are 6 boys in our front yard all grabbing onto each other and trying to throw one another to the ground, with huge smiles on all of their faces. Unreal. The Always Chaotic Life of, The Joyful and Tired, and Content Mom

IT ISN"T FAIR!

"IT'S NOT FAIR!!!," I scream. "Remember Mommy, life isn't fair," my 7 year old reminds me. You would think he has heard this, maybe, a million + 1 times. But you know what, IT ISN'T FAIR! LIFE AS A MOM ISN'T FAIR. And so I am going to break down all the reasons why! I love being a mother, but recently there have been several things that have caused me to laugh out loud at their absurdity that goes hand in hand with motherhood. 1. A few weeks ago I went away for the night with some grilfriends. While I Was away I Was getting periodic texts from MArk about what he and the boys were doing. What were they doing? He took them to 3 seperate grocery stores to do our shopping for the week. Now first of all, this alone made me jealous. I can't take all 3 kids to one store, much less three. I, along with everyone else in the store, would lose their minds. But no, Mark was a super hero and just doing the errands, no problem. When I asked how the kids were he says, "Oh, well you know, they were wrestling a little in the aisles." Wait, what?! This would have caused me to have a coronary. I mean, I can feel the vein in my head popping out now just thinking about it! Wrestling? In the aisles? And you didn't feel people's eyes boaring into your soul with judgment and condemnation? No? Oh really! And this is what occurred to me...people weren't cursing Mark under their breath because he's THE DAD! And how awesome is this dad for taking all 3 of his kids to the store? He still has a wedding ring on, so he isn't a single dad. He's married and his wife made him take all 3 kids to the store?! What kind of wife and mother is she anyway? BUt this heroic father has so much responsibility. And we know his kids are wrestling in the aisles, but...the dad brought them to the store. That is so sweet. If it had been me, the mom, this is what people would have thought, "That mother needs to get her kids under control." And you know what, some people would have even said that. Never mind the tears that would have probably been streaming down my cheeks. There is no time for compassion when it comes to helping and understanding mom...only judgment passing time! Woohoo! It's like a party that everyone is invited to, but you, the mom, because you are the brunt of their critisisms. 2. Every morning before my feet hit the floor my childrens are asking me for something. I know, I know. I am a mom. I want to do things for my children and take care of them. But I don't even have time to wipe the sleep out of my eyes before someone is asking me for something: breakfast, water, the ipad, skylanders, fighting over something and needing me to break up a fight, or needing me to clean up spilled milk. So the other day Mark jumped out of bed at the first hint the kids were awake so that I could sleep in a bit. When I finally got up, like 2 hours after the kids had gotten up, I went downstairs and was taking my time making coffee and getting breakfast. No lie, hte kids heard my footsteps, ran upstairs from the basement, and started begging me for different things for breakfast. Are you freaking kidding me!!!! YOu have been up with your dad for 2 hours, and NO ONE asked him for anything!!!! They just got to play with their dad all morning, and he got the best of each of them. And then it's like, "Oh there's mom! Quick, everyone, whiny voices ready?!...and...GO!" 3. And lastly, this morning's "it's not fair" moment. I was helping Zachary finish his homework. He was reading his books to me, which is one of my most favorite times with him. I just love it. Anyways. He was reading to me. And apparently my 5 and 3 year old have still not learned, after 2 years, that when Zachary is reading they aren't supposed to talk to me or pet the book Zachary is trying to read. So while I Am working on homework and feeling my blood pressure rise Nate and Drew continued to ask me for things. All the while, Mark is in the kitchen making breakfast and cleaning up the milk Nate had spilled. But truly, Mark was standing at the kitchen table, Nate grabbed a clementine off the kitchen table, walked passed Mark ,and came into the family room to ask me to peel it. AAAAH!!!! There are days I honestly want to scream. Now I know that I am making Mark sound like he doesn't do much. That isn't it at all. He is constantly telling the boys to come to him for help too. He is an amazing (and I can't stress this enough)-AMAZING-husband and father. Truly amazing! The boys and I are so lucky. I just sometimes wish that I could breathe without someone making a demand on me. That I could have one sip of highly caffeinated coffee before I had to break up 6 fights over something insignificant like a sock. Any with me? Or am I standing on this island alone? Preparing myself for judgments and harsh critism, The Joyful and Tired Mom

Fire in the Hole!

I used to love, and I mean, LOVE, all things fitness. Running, swimming, lifting, aerobics...everything. It was a passion of mine, and I loved doing it. It was not a drag or a chore. I legit, loved everything about it. But true confession time...it has been years since I have had any fire in the belly to work hard. Every day I wake up and fight to keep my eyes open, and really have to persuade myself to work my muscles. But more often than not, my lazy self defeats my motivated self in my battle in my mind, and I end up not working out the way I used to once love doing. But this month I have decided to do Debbie Reichert's Fit and Healthy "Ab"Tastic Challenge. But here is the battle I faced when I started...I missed the first few days for one reason or another, and so the lie my brain was trying to convince me to believe was, "Well, if you didn't start on the 1st of the month, why start?" But no, I started on Day 4, and I will finish this monthly challenge because I owe it to myself to do so, and I love that my kids see me working on my core muscles; and love to see them exercise too.

Plus, I have started to train for another 1/2 marathon, and this is one more piece of an important puzzle that I haven't quite put together in a long time. So here I am, ready to run, ready to work, actually enjoying sore abs, unbelievably tired, and wishing that I could gain back some of that fire that drove me to pursue fitness years ago. The Joyful and TIRED Mom

Is it just me, or will your kids be in therapy too?

My poor, poor children. A few years ago there was a dad Mark and I were having a conversation with and, God love him, he says, "I just don't want to do anything that is going to mess them up. I just want to do it right, you know?" My response, "Oh, my kids will one day be in therapy and it will somehow be my fault." Hmmmm? Just had an epiphany...maybe that's why this gentleman and his family never wanted to hang out with us again. He was trying to be serious, and I scoffed at his concerns and fears with this attitude of, "Please dude, screwing them up is inevitable. Kinda part of our job description." Anyway...today was a day that I am confident will go down in Drew's book of 'memories of mom.' And truthfully, I will be so sad if today is part of my legacy. I want to be remembered for loving people deeply, making people feel welcomed and cared for, loving my children well, loving my husband well, and having thighs that don't touch. But today, yes today, will be the day that will be etched in Drew's memory for sure. Daggone it! What you need to know about me before I tell my short story...I am not a cryer. I know! I know! For those who knew me in high school and college you can pick your jaws up off the floor and stop calling me a liar. A lot has changed since then...thank Jesus. Can I get an Amen?! So with not being a cryer per se, my outlet when I am overwhelmed is to be frustrated, angry,or to get very silent, start focusing and getting angry about things that don't even effect me, (like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Still so angry she is pregnant. And as I vented to my mom she lovingly consoled me by saying, "I understand why this is so upsetting to you since you are around them daily. It really does impact your life." Ha. Ha. Mom.) Oh, I also confess that I will swear at times too. Those are definitely not shining moments for me, but it happens. My go to when I am overwhelmed is more anger, frustration, withdrawing, and chocolate...lots and lots of chocolate. So today, the day that will live in infamy with my children, I totally lost it. And my boys had no idea what to do, so everyone just stared at me. The morning was only slightly more crazy than a typical morning. I did shower and brush my teeth and get ready which took some time, and maybe that's why things were more rushed than normal (reason #156 why I don't shower in the morning, or every day, or brush my teeth for that matter-it's ok, you can judge me). But today, after feeling rushed all morning, and trying to get out of the house with a lot of coaxing on my part: Nate fell, Drew wouldn't help me carry a few of the things I was carrying so I could hold Nate and comfort him, while carrying a baby seat into New Hope, and out of nowhere I lost it. I mean, looooost it. I started sobbing, heavily, into my hands, while Nate, Drew, and the 2 children I babysit just stared in disbelief at me. A sweet woman from the church came over to help me and I couldn't turn the tears off. And she just kept gently saying to me, "Oh no no sweetheart, don't do that. Don't do that." I was even freaking her out. Who is this nutjob with 4 kids standing at the front door of a church losing it!? IT WAS ME! I was so embarrassed. As the tears were pouring down my face someone else says, "One of those mornings?" As a parent you know what "one of those mornings" is. But all I could say while pointing to my tear stained face, while still crying, was, "I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with this. I am not a cryer. I'm not. This is ridiculous." By the time I stopped crying, my boys had lost all respect for me, and all my make-up had washed off my face. And to be honest, I am not sure which upsets me more! Probably losing my make-up. So tonight I am trying to salvage my dignity with my children. Earn, maybe, an ounce of respect back. Avoid chocolate at all costs. And not let Kim and Kanye ruin another night for me. The Joyful, Tired, and Tearstained Mom, Lindsey