Two days in a row. Holy cow folks, it's a new record! Have I blown your socks off yet?! I'm trying to sit down and gather my thoughts, but it's difficult with my boys in the background farting on one another. But I will persevere!
This morning I woke up and started reading an article about youth sports (you can read the article here). The expectation, attention, and time we spend focused on youth sports, and specializing in sports at such a young age is astounding, and for me, heart breaking...for both parents and children. It is not like it used to be.
I loved growing up and playing any and every game I wanted to play. It was so much fun! I don't remember who scored goals in soccer. I do remember I was terrible, that we ate oranges every half-time, that my dad was the coach, and that every year he named our team "The Force." I remember swimming every summer on the swim team with all of my very best friends. I don't remember who had the fastest times, or if I ever had a PR in the IM. But I do remember hanging over the end of the lane cheering for each of my friends, and they doing the same for me. I remember the city swim meet where we all gathered in the same spot year after year, with all the parents, and had the greatest day having fun with kids from all over the city. And I especially remember eating Jello powder before races for that extra burst of energy.
As I got older I was a cheerleader, ran cross country, and played lacrosse. As a freshman I decided to play lacrosse because my ex-boyfriend's mom said she would come to see me play if I made the team. I had never played before. I walked onto the team, discovered I was fairly good, became best defensive player of the year, went on to play in college, and loved team meals that my mom and Sue Sanders hosted time and time again, eating spinach bagels at the Faila's, and laughing together and building friendships that are still strong 20 years later.
My senior year I decided to run cross country. I had never run for a team. However, I didn't want to get a job in the fall so I decided to run just to get out of working! I walked on to the team, as a senior I ran JV the entire year, and it was the greatest experience I had in high school. The friendships that were born from this team are friendships I can't even describe. We were together 7 days a week. We couldn't get enough of being around one another. Supporting each other. The parents became close friends with one another. Through this season of togetherness there wasn't an intensity of competition for many of us. There was for the Varsity runners, but even still, the focus for many of us was friendship, fun, being a part of something greater than ourselves. It was awesome. I will forever be grateful that I had the opportunity to try my hand at something new when I was 17. Those relationships changed my life, and continue to bless me today.
The problem I find today with youth sports is the hyper drive to compete and be the best. But while many assume parents are just driven to have their child earn a scholarship in college, I don't necessarily agree. Many of us are finding that if our children aren't competing at the top level of youth athletics when our children are in 3rd grade and up, then our children can't begin compete in middle school or high school. When we want our child to desperately be a part of a team, have fun, and experience camaraderie with people that have the same goals as them, it is a tough pill to swallow that the days of just walking onto a team to "give it a try" are gone. A child being good is no longer good enough. They need to be exceptional. And what we find in our community is many parents trying to help their child make a path for themselves in a world that is unkind. Give them the opportunities to be a part of something if they want to be.
So as a parent, my heart hurts for all of us. All of us breaking our backs to provide opportunities for our children. Opportunities that are 10 years in the future. For Mark and I, our children at this age aren't seen as great athletes. One son isn't an athlete now. One son is to some degree. One son loves all things sports. But one day our oldest may find that he loves to run, and wrestle, and play hard. My hope is that because he wasn't driven at 9 to be the best, he will still have the opportunity to play and be a part of a team if that's what he wants. For the other two rugrats, our hope is that with Mark and I unable to spend the money to travel and stay in hotels, and pay for elite teams for them, that we are not robbing them of future opportunities to compete in middle school and high school athletics if they want to.
The pressure is astounding. I do not pass judgment on parents. We all want what's best for our children. However, youth sports has become a monstrous beast. We are all in this crazy, fast moving current, and until people choose to jump out of the river, and stop trying to "keep up" and survive, nothing will change. But my hope is that enough parents will say "enough", and we can go back to the days where parents aren't breaking the bank and emptying out their retirement so their 9 year old can play for a travel baseball team.
Hoping this is a coherent piece considering my boys rolled around at my feet like cats while I wrote this,
The Joyful and Tired Mom
Having fun at the City Meet. Clearly, we are very focused on our competition.
Our team placed 3rd, but we had more fun than anyone!
I couldn't tumble, but my arms were sharp and I always smiled. That's how I was put on the cheerleading squad.
Junior Year Cheering. Some of my best friends to this day. P.S. I still couldn't do a hand spring.
My very best friends made while running cross country. And they are still some of the most integral parts of my life, and the lives of my family.
JV3!
JV3!
Go Bobcats. Never went to a lacrosse camp. Decided to just try it in high school. Ended up playing for a Division I college.
After an early morning reunion run with xc friends, we still couldn't spend enough time together at our reunion.
Well said!
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