Ok. This is Mark, Lindsey's husband and I have some things to comment about the Bachelor wedding we just watched. And please note that I said "we" and that I am not sitting in the basement alone with a glass of Zima getting in touch with my feminine side crying about the awe-inspining beauty that is "the Bachelor." No I watched it with Lindsey cause well she wanted to and we only have one tv in the room. But I have some comments about the Bachelor wedding.
First, Lindsey said to me, "did you know it cost $45000?" I am thinking, that is a lot for a wedding but if a major network is paying for it, then that sounds reasonable. Then she tells me "no, the wedding dress cost $45000." I dont know how a single garmet of clothing could cost $45000 unless is lined with endangered bald eagle beaks for the bodice, lace made from brown recluse spider webs (very deadly spiders), a tiara made from unobtainium (the metal harvested from the movie Avatar, a joke for those nerds reading this), and the train made from the Shroud of Turin (the burial shroud of Jesus Christ). Then I would understand the price.
Second, I know outside weddings are beautful but couldn't ABC have had a back-up plan in case it might, well, you know rain? It was outside and dont tell me no one looked at the weather report and said "you know what, it could rain. wont everyone get wet?" The only provisions they made were to give the guests see-through umbrellas. But they did forget one thing: GIVE THE BRIDE AND GROOM A FREAKIN UMBRELLA TOO!!! What is the point of a best man and maid of honor, to hold the rings? umm, thats about 30 seconds of your day handing the rings over, use the rest of the time holding a $5 umbrella over the $45000 wedding dress. Even the bride's uncle, i mean the minister, had to cover his bible with his hand. ABC could have paid some dude to hold 2 umbrellas, one for the couple, one for the minister. IF you have $45000 for a dress, you have $50 for an "umbrella holder."
Third, please tell me Garnier could not have paid to have the 15 min ceremony commercial free. But no, they had to break for a commercial right before the vows to build suspense like Jason was going to pick one of the bridesmaids to replace Molly in mid-vow. Its not like he hasnt done it before! But Chris Harrison stands at the back of the ceremony, why a producer whispers into the ministers ear mic to "stall" while they break for a commercial break. Too bad during the commercial break they didnt film the minister's expose on why Allie would have won over Vienna if she would have stayed, but Jake only wanted one thing and we all knew it.
Fourth, The minister's vows were pretty much, "do you? and do you? ok now share your own vows." And their vows consisted of something about her eyes and his love for his child, and something else, I forget and they probably did too after they said it.
Fifth, Jason Castro? I mean really? Well, I guess it makes sense cause he had the day off at the Citgo and he doesnt wash his hair again for another 6 weeks. I missed it, was there a reason for Jason Castro or was Justin Guarini unable to fit into his busy schedule of rotating tires, flipping burgers, continuing to strangle his agent about "from Justin to Kelly" and mopping Simon Cowell's kitchen with his loofa-like hair. The sad part about Jason Castro is: IT WAS THE BEST PART OF THE BACHELOR WEDDING! And you know what, it probably cost the least. It probably cost ABC 6 chicken wings, a can of Red Bull and some gas money back to the Citgo. I guess they had to cut corners when you spend $45000 on a wedding dress. Yeah, I am still upset about it. I mean that was more money than the remake of "Heal the World" raised. That remake was awful. I would have made a donation to Haiti not to have that remade.
Anyway, that is my take on the Bachelor wedding and I could go on but you have read my rant this far and appreciate you hanging with me till the end, even if this was so long. so in summary: It sucked.
The Joyful and Tired Mom's manly, macho, testosterone infused (Bachelor wedding - watching) husband.
I'm laughing mostly because Ben is threatening to hijack my blog one of these days. Thanks to Mark and his wonderful insight. Totally agree about donating to Haiti---didn't see the wedding but can't believe the dress was 45,000.
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeletethe dress wasn't even that pretty!!! and i agree about the umbrella holders.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! I don't know what part of this made me laugh the loudest. I love your idea of what should go into a 45000 dress. Except I could have given them our Brown Recluse cobwebs from Tennessee for free. Of course Jason had to say something about her eyes in the vows. It is the only thing that distracts from the look on her face that something must smell really bad. I love the bit about Jason Castro, and appreciate the shout out to From Justin to Kelly. (Didn't I buy you that DVD at some point?). I have to say that I only watched about 30 seconds of it. During that part, Molly was talking about how awful it has been, with all the people that hate Jason for what he did. She said, "He wouldn't hurt a soul." Except Melissa Rycroft, right? My favorite part of this post has to be the part about the suspense that he might dump her for a bridesmaid! Thanks for brightening my morning, Mark!
ReplyDeleteI tried not to watch it but Beth and I gave in too. She's funny with the last couple seasons because the WHOLE time Beth watches it she's like, "I hate this show! But, It's like a train wreck, I can't look away." The dress looked like it cost that much to me, but being a designer it made sense. I mean they had to have a good Ring to Dress cost ratio. And I think the singer did it for free if only to get a day off of work @ footlocker.
ReplyDeleteThis post is AWESOME. My husband is banned from watching all bachelor type shows with me because this blog is the type of tirade he spews during the whole thing. I should make him watch them with me again and save all of his thoughts and blog them. And I TOTALLY agree. On all of it. Hilarious!
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