It's Been Awhile

Hello to my enormous following...it has been too long.
I am completely kidding-about the enormous following anyway. It has been a very long time since I have written. To be honest, it hasn't been because there are a lack of things I want to share, but rather, I don't want every post to sound so "woe is me." Therefore, I have chosen to forgo writing for a time in the hopes of checking my nasty attitude at the door and sitting down at the computer and being funny, witty, and incredibly inspiring (ha!).
Truth be told though, I'm not sure I'm there yet. Kids are hard. Man, to all the stay-at-home moms out there that I silently envied because I thought the most difficult part of your day was trying to not double-book a luncheon with friends-I AM SO SO SO SORRY. I never, in my life, imagined that motherhood would be so challenging. And I constantly hear women say, "Oh, it's so hard, but I wouldn't change a thing." If I can be totally transparent here...I would change a thing. I would change lots of things.
1)For starters, the first order of business would be to make it so there is a miraculous recovery for women after they have children. And by "miraculous recovery" I do not mean that we physically heal. I mean that the moment our beautiful child is born we instantly drop back down to a size 6 with amazing abs and no need for Spanx or weight watchers...ever! I think we are owed that much after carrying a child for nearly a year. And no, I am sadly not from the school of thought that says, "Oh, but atleast we get to experience pregnancy. Men don't get to experience the joy of feeling their baby move." I'll tell you what Mark got to experience: sleeping through the night; feeling the baby move when he wanted, not at 1 a.m., 3 a.m. and 5 a.m.; eating whatever the heck he wanted and not having to prick his finger 4 times a day or give himself 2 insulin shots a day. And he never has to experience someone asking him if he is pregnant when he isn't! (This has happened to me after each child was born-yikes.) No one will ever go up to a man and just say, "Wow-you are looking awfully fat these days." And if I thought people wouldn't judge me or say I had a nasty attitude...I would totally keep going. :-) I am not happy pregnant woman.
2) The second thing I would change is that I would give my children ears that always listen.
3) I would never have to worry about a stranger trying to take my kids.
4) They would go to bed the minute that I wanted them too. And, they would all take naps at exactly the same time everyday.
5) Occupational Therapy would be free.
6) I would be able to cook in the kitchen without having our cat (aka: Drew) under my feet the entire time.
7) I wouldn't worry what other people thought of me, my parenting, or my children.
8) I would have much more joy in embracing what each day brings, as opposed to gearing myself up for a days worth of time-outs.
9) I would make it so my dog never shed. Glorious!!!!!
10) I wouldn't be insecure about anything. And instead of condemning myself for what I can't do, I would marvel at what I can do.
11) I would laugh a whole lot more at the goofy things my kiddos say and do because they are hysterical! I don't want to one day look back at this time in sadness and regret because I let precious moments pass me by.
12) I would eat more chocolate and not gain an ounce. As it stands now, I look at it and go up a pant size.
13) I would invent Diet Wine.
14) Finally, I would choose to be different each day for my children as I constantly evolve as a parent figuring out how to best love them and teach them to grow up to be responsible, caring, helpful adults.
Till next time...
The forever grateful for Grace,
Joyful and Tired Mom
Oh! And I would totally have my laundry fold itself...and put itself away.